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Traveling Light?
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the
airline check-in counter.
As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of
luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" she replied.
"No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."
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Lost in Bookstore
A friend and her young son, Reid, were browsing in a large bookstore. Engrossed in making a selection, my friend had lost sight of her child.
"Reid!" she called out, racing through the aisles. "Reid!"
Just as she spotted the boy, she bumped into another customer. "Pardon me, ma'am," he said, "but most folks come here because they already like to read. No sense in wasting your time trying to convince them."
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CleanQuote.
"It is not possible to have reasonable grounds for not believing in miracles." - Pascal
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Here is today's Illustration. - Respect
While the soldiers stood at attention during a parade, a private waved to someone in the audience. "Jones, never do that again!" the drill instructor whispered.
But a few minutes later, the soldier waved a second time. Back in the barracks after the parade, the DI stormed in and barked for Jones to come front and center. "Son, you knew I was going to see you," he screamed. "You knew it was wrong. Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Yes, sir!" replied Jones. "But you don't know my mother!"
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Speedy Comeback
The police officer got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped
for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the officer said.
The kid replied, "Well, I got here as fast as I could."
When the officer finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
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Did I read that sign correctly?
In a Deptartment Store:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR!
Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR
Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh.
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Three guys, all diehard fans, were at a football game. They finally found a seats good enough for them, but there was just one problem with these so called "perfect seats." Three nuns were in front of them blocking their view.
The guys wanted them to move so one said, loud enough for the nuns to hear, "Hey I think I'll move to Idaho. There are only 100 Catholics there."
The second one said, "No I'm gonna move to Montana. There are only 50 Catholics living there."
Then the third guy said, "You two are both wrong. We should move to Wisconsin. There are only 25 Catholics there."
Then one of the nuns turned around and said, "Hey why don't you go to hell... there aren't any Catholics there!"