The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were
asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they
had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up, and honorable
mentions are listed below.
Second Runner-Up:
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot.
In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for
traction.
First Runner-Up:
In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of
that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled
roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them
to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something
like quarters, which we never had because our allowances
were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and
end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm
so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really
matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if
you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real
pebbles on them, not like today.
And the winner:
In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the
creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
Honorable Mentions:
In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants.
Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts,
along with potatoes.
In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to
do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some
fingers amputated.
In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-
off voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the
doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped
along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was
a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a
dollar.
In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together
our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day,
the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched
on the back of a giant tortoise.
Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of gray-
haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-
haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.
Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to
watch television by candlelight.
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Creative ways to deal with telemarketers
- Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream, "Oh No!!!" and then hang up. - Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!" Hang up. - Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. - Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. - Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a pizza. - Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number. - Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your mom?" - Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder...louder... - Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
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Tomatoes
Vernie was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." Vernie pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the Vernie, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
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A Thanksgiving Cookbook
by Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten Class
NOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be responsible for medical
bills resulting from use of her cookbook
Ivette - Banana Pie
You buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and
put them in the pie. Then you eat it.
Russell - Turkey
You cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes
and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it.
Geremy - Turkey
You buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it
in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a
knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the
neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for
half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and
eat.
Andrew - Pizza
Buy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it
for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it.
Shelby - Applesauce
Go to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish
them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce."
Then you eat it.
Meghan H. - Turkey
You cut it into 16 pieces and then you leave it in the oven
for 15 minutes and 4 degrees. you take it out and let it
cool and then after 5 minutes, then you eat it.
Danny - Turkey
You put some salt on it to make it taste good. Then you put
it in the oven. Then you cook it for an hour at 5 degrees.
Then you eat it.
Brandon - Turkey
First you buy it at Fred Meyer. Then you cut it up and cook
it for 15 hours at 200 degrees. Then you take it out and eat
it.
Megan K - Chicken
You put it in the oven for 25 minutes and 25 degrees and put
gravy on it and eat it.
Christa - Cookies
Buy some dough and smash it and cut them out. Then put them
in the oven for 2 hours at 100 degrees. Then take them out
and dry them off. Then it's time to eat them.
Grace - Turkey
First you add some salt. Then you put it in a bowl. Then you
put brown sugar on it. Then you mix it all together with a
spoon and then you add some milk and mix it again. And then
you put it in a pan. Then you put it in the oven for 15
minutes and 16 degrees. Then you take it out of the oven and
then you eat it.
Alan - Turkey
First you shoot it and then you cut it. And then you put it
in the oven and cook it for 10 minutes and 20 degrees. You
put it on plates and then you eat it.
Jordan S - Chocolate Pudding
Buy some chocolate pudding mix. Then you add the milk. Then
you add the pudding mix. Then you stir it. Then you put it
in the refrigerator and wait for it to get hard. Then you
eat it.
Christopher - Pumpkin Pie
First you buy a pumpkin and smash it. Then it is all done.
And you cook it in the oven for 12 minutes and 4 degrees.
Then you eat it.
Ashley - Chicken
Put it in the oven. Then cut it up. Then I eat it.
Jennie - Corn
My mom buys it. Then you throw it. Then you cook it. Then
you eat it.
Jordan - Cranberry Pie
Put cranberry juice in it. Then you put berries in it. Then
you put dough in it. Then you bake it. Then you eat it.
Adam - Pumpkin Pie
First you put pumpkin seeds in it. Put it in a pan and bake
it at 5 degrees for 6 minutes. Then take it out and eat it.
Jarryd - Deer Jerky
Put it in the oven overnight at 20 degrees. Then you go
hunting and bring it with you. Then you eat it.
Joplyn - Apple Pie
Take some apples, mash them up. Take some bread and make a
pie with it. Get some dough and squish it. Shape the dough
into a pie shape. Put the apples in it. Then bake it at 9
degrees for 15 minutes.
Isabelle - Spaghetti
Put those red things in it. Then put the spaghetti in it.
Then cook it in the oven for 2 minutes at 8 degrees.
Bailey - Chicken
Put pepper and spices on it. Cook for one hour at 60
degrees. Then eat it.
Nicholas - White and Brown Pudding
First you read the wrapper. Get a piece of water. Stir. Then
you eat it.
Sean - Turkey
Put it in the oven for 5 minutes at 55 degrees. Take it out
and eat it.
Lauren - Turkey
First you find a turkey and kill it. Cut it open. Put it in
a pan. Pour milk in the pan. Put a little chicken with it.
Put salsa on it. Take out of pan. Put it on the board. Cut
into little pieces. Put on a rack. Put in the oven for 7
minutes at 10 degrees. Take out of the oven and put eensy
weensy bit of sugar on it. Put a little more salsa on it.
Then you eat it.