Friday, November 26, 2004

hUMOR For November 26th

********************************
A Thanksgiving Story
by Robert Byron

In the United States, Thanksgiving is a traditional holiday celebrated in the month of November. It is a holiday set aside for the specific reason of giving thanks. The holiday originates from the 1600's when a group known as the Pilgrims settled on the coast of New England.

Fleeing England because of religious prosecution, the Pilgrims moved to Holland. Although they enjoyed religious freedom there, their children were picking up the Dutch customs and were speaking the Dutch language. The Pilgrims became concerned about this as they considered the Dutch to be too liberal in their thinking. I probably would have felt the exact same way because no kid of mine is going to wear wooden shoes.

So, the Pilgrims loaded up their ship and they moved to the USA. A group of English investors called the Merchant Adventurers paid for the trip with the understanding that the pilgrims would work for them for the next seven years. They boarded a ship named the Mayflower and on September 6th, 1620, they set sail for America from Plymouth, England.

They settled at Plymouth, which had been named in 1614 by Captain John Smith. Leaving Plymouth for a destination of Plymouth had confused their ticket agent into thinking they were going on a short pleasure trip and thus, he had given them a discounted cruise package.

Having watched too many western cowboy movies, the Pilgrims were very concerned about Indian attacks. However, the local Pawtucket Indians were cable poor and had not seen the movies, thus they knew no better than to be peaceful. What the Pilgrims should have been worried about was that they had left their winter coats behind, as the winter was very severe. Out of the original 110 that settled in the new land, fewer than 50 survived the winter.

On March 16, 1621 panic spread through the settlement when an Indian strolled into the settlement. Their fears subsided when the Indian said, "Welcome" in English. This proved to the settlers that English is the universal language and the prediction was made that if an extraterrestrial ever landed in the settlement to mutilate cattle, he too, would speak English. The Indian stayed the night in their deluxe dirt floor accommodations and left the next morning. He later returned with a buddy of his named Squanto.

Squanto spoke excellent English and told the settlers about his trips to Spain and England. The settlers seemed a little disinterested in his stories, telling Squanto, "Hey Bud, we've been there! That's why we're here!" Overcoming the Pilgrims rude behavior, Squanto taught them the things they would need to know to survive the winter. He taught them how to tap maple trees for sap to make syrup. This proved useless, as the Pilgrims had not yet mastered the art of pancakes. However, he also taught them which plants were poisonous, which were edible, which were medicinal and which were for entertainment. He also taught them how to plant corn and other crops.

When October rolled around, the settlers found themselves with an abundance of food for the winter. They had plenty of fruits and vegetables as well as fish and meat. The Governor William Bradford (Democrat, Plymouth) proclaimed that there should be a day of thanksgiving to be shared alike by the settlers and the Indians. The Indians came and demonstrated their skills with the bow and arrow. The settlers, not to be outdone, started showing off by shooting stuff with their muskets.

The following year proved not to be as plentiful for the pilgrims. They were still trying to get the hang of this "growing crops" thing and they had also been sharing their food with new arrivals. The next year, heat and lack of rain produced few crops, so the Governor ordered a day of prayer for rain and since they were running short on food anyway, he ordered a fast for the day as well. Behold the power of prayer because the rains did come and to celebrate God's blessing on the colony, November 29th was proclaimed to be a day to give thanks. Thanksgiving was born.

Every year after that, once the harvest was finished, a day of thanksgiving was celebrated. Continental Congress suggested a national day of thanksgiving during the height of the American Revolution and in 1817, the state of New York had officially adopted thanksgiving to be celebrated annually. By 1863 many other states had also adopted the holiday and in that year, Abraham Lincoln appointed it as a national day of thanksgiving. Since then, Thanksgiving is usually held on the fourth Thursday in November by proclamation of the president. I hope this will put to rest the myth that the Butterball Turkey Company or the Hallmark Card Company started Thanksgiving. In actuality, the company that could be considered the originator of Thanksgiving is the Merchant Adventurers. The Merchant Adventurers, however, didn't realize the commercial potential at the time and, because of this blunder, never profited from the holiday.

Thanksgiving is a time when the people of the United States, whether descendants of the original colonists or newcomers, gather with their family and friends to give thanks for all of the blessings that they have. It is a time to remember those first Pilgrims and the struggles they had and it is a time to be grateful for all the struggles of our forefathers who made this great land what it is. It is also a time to eat like a pig so be sure to strap on the old feedbag while you sidle up to the hog trough and stick your grubby paws in that horn-O-plenty!
********************************
After-Thanksgiving Poem

I ate too much Turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I'm stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin'
I'm probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.
But I wish I had known when to stop,
For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams
That my buttons are starting to pop!

I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes
My stomach is swollen and sore,
But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if
I eat just a little bit more!