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Credit Card
Part way through his dinner date, my brother deduced the woman he was with
was more interested in his money than in him. When the check came, he took
out his credit card to pay the bill and was not surprised to hear her gush,
"Is that a platinum card?"
"No," my brother replied dryly. "It's aluminum."
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A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones.
"Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires. Maybe I can help here."
"You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done."
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Here is today's CleanPun.
This is an original pun by list member Randy Foncree.
There are many road signs, but there are some that just puzzle me: "No passing zone, no crossing zone, and even speed zone."
Just answer me this, "Who does this Zone fellow think he is?!"
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*Adolescence*
**Nowadays our youngsters are acting as if adolescence is the last fling at life instead of the introduction to it.
**Some philosopher said that adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.
**Adolescence begins when children stop asking questions -- not because they don't want to learn, but because they know all the answers.
**I can't make up my mind, does adolescence ruin cars or do cars ruin the younger generation.
**I think parents dread adolescence because they remember what they used to do during this period.
**This is that wonderful time when girls stop making faces at boys and slip into making eyes.
**You can easily tell when a child enters adolescence -- they start asking questions that you CAN answer but wish you didn't have to.
**Children are first aware they are entering the period when they find their parents become more difficult.
**This is that confusing period where children are too young to give advice and too old to take any.
**This is a period of time-warping. Your kids age five years -- from 13 to 18 -- while you age 20 years.
**It is easy to recognize an adolescent boy -- it's the time when he goes from quoting his dad to criticizing the old man.
**Finally, what really gets me mad is that this is the time my boy begins objecting to my wanting my own way!