Finding one of her students making faces at others on the
playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny,
when I was a child, I was told if that I made an ugly face,
it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't
say you weren't warned."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"I can't come in to work today because . . . ."
- "My son dropped the car keys in the toilet and I sent him in after them. Now I'm waiting for the plumber."
- "I have to buy some new skis. I left my old ones in a tree."
- "My computer is down. I'm trying to cheer it up."
- "I have a sick kid. The adult goats, however, seem to be doing fine."
- "I'm having car trouble. The trouble is I no longer own a car."
- "I won a sauerkraut and sausage eating contest yesterday. You don't want me there today. Trust me."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =It rained so hard here last night our whole town flooded. The entire city was taken by storm.
.= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl."
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = "The best defense against logic is ignorance"
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = ="Reasons Why My Children Do Not Need More Toys"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
By Tammy Rosenfeldt
~ They started off as babies who found my Tupperware drawer much more fascinating than their toy box.
~ The days I change the paper towel roll in the kitchen bring great excitement as they claim their new sword or telescope.
~ Their current toys are only exciting when I either reorganize them/put them neatly away or when I start my garage sale pile.
~ Who needs toys when jumping on my bed like the five little monkeys brings tears of laughter?
~ They are content to look at the clouds and find shapes - most recently Caleb claimed he saw Thomas the Engine. Really - just shouted it out while in the car.
~ To make one of them want to play with a toy, all I have to do is give it to the other one. Suddenly, that item becomes the best thing in the whole entire world.
~ The days I mop the kitchen floor and move the chairs into the living room are cause for adventure as they build tents and "dark, dark rooms."
~ A flashlight brings amusement to all for hours.
~ And my personal favorite - the other day they literally fought over who got to play with the fly swatter. I really wish I was kidding.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = List of Chores
I was going away for a few days and left my husband a list
of chores. For fun, I put down as Item 5: Think about your
wife a lot.
After I returned, my husband proudly reported that he had
completed every job. When I saw the list, however, each item
except No. 5 had been crossed off. "What's this!" I
exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me while I was gone?"
My chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully, "I started
to, but just never finished."