Sunday, September 10, 2006

hUMOR For Sept. 10th

Best 2006 blonde joke so far

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over -- so now we're going to Sea World."
+++++++++++++++++++
An 82 year old Vermont woman convicted of vehicular manslaughter has had her
license suspended for 10 years.

Apparently the state feels the time off will make her a more confident,
skilled and careful driver when they let her back on the road when she's 92.
+++++++++++++++++++
My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a patient.
She had a fly in her ear. He suggested an old home remedy. "Pour warm olive
oil into your ear and lie down for a few minutes," he said. "When you lift
your head the fly should emerge with the liquid."

The patient thought that sounded like a good idea, but she still asked,
"Into which ear should I pour the oil?"
+++++++++++++++++++
"Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head
out when you're coming home, his face might burn up." - Jack Handey
+++++++++++++++++++
"Spa First Day"
A woman joined a health spa, and on her first day eagerly joined in an exercise class. However, when it ended she went to the front desk and requested cancellation of her membership.
When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low that I cannot touch my toes!"