Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's
annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I
have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back
upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."
There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.
"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you
will always come downstairs like that."
"OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Roughhousing"
A little boy was roughhousing with his dog. His mother said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't breathe?"
The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give
him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it.
She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he
probably wouldn't notice her.
Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as
well, so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another
neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little
friend noticed the sa! me lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you
noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
The friend said, "Well, who is she?"
"That's just Shirley Goodnest," Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy."
"Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"
"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much.
And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You Know It's Time To Diet When...
- You dance and it makes the band skip.
- You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and
the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
- You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.
- You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you
peanuts.
- Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on
other side."
- You run away, and your picture takes up all four
sides of the milk carton.
- You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your
mouth.
- You could sell shade.
- Your blood type is Ragu.
- You need an appointment to attend an "open house."