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Exercise Program
Here is an exercise program for those of us whose wisdom exceeds our ambition. The doctor told me "Physical exercise is good for you." I know that I should do it, but my body is out of shape, so I have worked out this easy daily program I can do anywhere. If I can do it, you can do this, too.
Monday:Beat around the bush.Jump to conclusions.Climb the walls.Wade through paperwork.
Tuesday:Drag my heels.Push my luck.Make mountains out of molehills.Hit the nail on the head.
Wednesday:Bend over backwards.Jump on the bandwagon.Balance the books.Run around in circles.
Thursday:Toot my own horn.Climb the ladder of success.Pull out the stops.Add fuel to the fire.
Friday:Open a can of worms.Put my foot in my mouth.Start the ball rolling.Go over the edge.
Saturday:Pick up the pieces.
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A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Mommy!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush."
After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.
"Were you sick?" her mom asked.
"Yes."
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the
church and returned so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a
box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'"
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Walk the Walk
This little story is a good reminder for each of us
to not only "Talk the Talk," but to "Walk the Walk."
An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed out
woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned
yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,
stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have
beaten the red light by accelerating through the
intersection. The tailgating woman hit the roof, and
the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her
chance to get through the intersection.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her
window and looked up into the face of a very serious
police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her
car with her hands up. He took her to the police
station where she was sea! rched, finger printed,
photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the
cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to
the booking desk where the arresting officer was
waiting with her personal effects. He said, I'm
very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up
behind your car while you were blowing your horn,
flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a
blue streak at him.
I noticed the Choose Life license plate holder, the
What Would Jesus Do? bumper sticker, the Follow Me to Sunday-School bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car. Priceless!!
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Outside Looking In
A man has a first appointment with a psychiatrist and
when asked why he's there, the fellow responds,
"Doctor, I'm tired of being on the outside looking
in."
"Well..." responded the doctor, "sounds like we have
to try to improve your self-image. Let's get a few
basic facts first. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a window washer."
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Outside Looking In
A man has a first appointment with a psychiatrist and
when asked why he's there, the fellow responds,
"Doctor, I'm tired of being on the outside looking
in."
"Well..." responded the doctor, "sounds like we have
to try to improve your self-image. Let's get a few
basic facts first. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a window washer."
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Keeping Grandpa
At my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary, I was looking through a photo
album of their marriage ceremony. "Grandma, so many of these styles have
come back over the years," I commented.
Grandma never hesitated. "That's why I've kept Grandpa all this time," she
said. "I know he'll be back in style again one of these days."