"Community Paper"
Glenelg, Maryland is such a small community, I was surprised that they had a community paper. I asked one old-timer about it.
He replied, "We all know what everybody else is doing, but we like to read the paper anyway to see who's been caught at it."
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CleanQuote
"A hair in the head is worth two in the brush."
- Don Herold
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How To Clean Your Toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
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"Treasure"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.
Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out.
"This I've got to see," I thought.
They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.
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While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some
old photographs, we came across a picture of
me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves.
"Daddy, were you in a war?"
"Yes," I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be.
Wide-eyed, she gasped, "Against what planet?"
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Tom and Darryl were out hunting deer. Tom asked, "Did you see that?"
"No," Darryl replies.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead."
"Oh," responded Darryl.
A couple of minutes later, Tom said, "Did you see that?"
"See what?"
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill,
over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later Tom again said, "Did you see that?"
By now, Darryl is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"
And Tom says, "Then why did you step in it?"
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Society will ignore almost any form of public behavior except getting in the
express line with two extra items.
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One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch
for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what
he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning,
Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. His mom
came to check his lunch, and this is what he had:
An ice cream sandwich
A caramel apple
White chocolate-covered pretzels with sprinkles on top
A carton of Nesquik chocolate milk
And a bag of candy, of course, for dessert.