Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
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< div class=MsoNormal>A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00! A family member placed a call to Citibank:
*and
• Family Member: "I am cal! ling to tell you that she died in January."
• Bank: ! "The acc ount was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
• Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
• Bank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
• Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
• Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
• Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
• Bank: "Excuse me?"
• Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
• Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
• Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
• Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
• Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
• Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
• Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
• Bank: "Could you! u fax us a certificate of death?"
• Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
• Bank: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
• Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
• Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
• Family Member: "Would you ! like her new billing address?"
• Bank: "That might help."
• Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
• Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
• Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
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"Money Worries"
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars."
"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
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CleanQuote
"The Christian life isn't difficult--it is impossible. If we don't know that, we will try to do things ourselves. Faith is not necessary when we think we can do it ourselves. Faith comes along when we realize that we cannot do it on our own." - Joseph Garlingen
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"Salesmanship"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
My buddy applied for a job as an insurance salesman. Where the form requested "prior experience," he wrote "lifeguard." That was it. Nothing else.
"We're looking for someone who can not only sell insurance, but who can sell himself as well," said the hiring manager. "How does working as a lifeguard pertain to salesmanship?"
My friend replied, "I couldn't swim."
He got the job.