THE MEETING OF THE DOGS
The dogs all met one Christmas.
They came from near and far.
Some dogs came by Greyhound Bus,
while others came by car.
The purpose of their meeting:
To fill the world with Glee,
and put a brand new puppy
under every Christmas tree.
But a special hall was rented,
and the landlord did declare
he didn't want them running 'round
just pooping everywhere.
So before inside that rented hall
the dogs could even look,
they had to take their hineys off
and hang them on a hook.
Then once inside the meeting --
each mother, son and sire --
some cat dressed in a dog suit
began to holler, "Fire!"
They all rushed out, that pack of dogs.
They had no time to look
to see which type of hiney
they grabbed off its little hook.
They got their hineys all mixed up.
It really made them sore,
to have to wear a hiney
they'd never worn before.
Then, once the chaos ended,
so did the dogs' grand scheme.
And kids who'd dreamed of puppies
were left with just a dream.
It's also why you'll see a dog
give up a juicy bone
to go and sniff a hiney,
to see if it's his own.
Anonymous (adapted by Lee Charles Kelley)
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Some Short 'ens...
As the plane was flying low over some hills near
Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that
stuff on those hills?"
"Just snow," replied the stewardess.
"That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this
fellow in front of me said it was Greece."
*****
The company commander saw the results of Private
Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The
private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am
going to commit suicide by shooting myself."
"By shooting?" asked the company commander, "Not a bad
idea! But take as many cartridges as possible."
*****
Little Bobbie had been pawing over a stationer's stock
of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked,
"Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday
greeting, message to a sick friend? An Anniversary, or
a congratulations to your mom and dad?"
Little Bobbie shook his head and answered, "Nope. Got
any blank report cards?"
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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist
who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the
man began "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to
let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets
back."
"But officer, I just wanted to say..."
"I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked n on his prisoner
and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his
daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he
gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."
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Doctor! Doctor!
So the woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries,
"Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible. My
husband is in really bad shape!"
The shrink rushes over.
The worried wife says, "Thank goodness you are here,
doctor. Just go down the hall. He's in the last room
on the right."
The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman's
husband sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a
fishline in the toilet.
He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very
serious. But why didn't you call me sooner?"
"Who had time?" the wife asks. "I've been cleaning
fish all week."
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Biblical Bumper Stickers
------------------------
Adam: "You are what you eat."
Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother."
Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'. "
Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water."
Moses: "From a basket case to the promised land."
Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody
happy."
Balaam: "My second donkey talks!"
At the Sinai desert: "Winding road next 40 years"
At the Red Sea: "Caution! Subject to sudden flooding"
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Cuff Links
The computer company, where my wife works, distributed a
corporate-clothing catalogue that included a pair of cuff links. One
was inscribed Ctrl (Control) and the other Esc (Escape), just as they
look on a computer keyboard.
"They would make a good present for any man," my wife commented to a
colleague, "if only to remind him of the two things he can never have."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer!
Received from Thomas Leiner.