Wrong Advertising
The little church in the suburbs suddenly stopped buying from its
regular office supply dealer. So, the dealer telephoned Deacon Brown
to ask why.
"I'll tell you why," said Deacon Brown. "Our church ordered some
pencils from you to be used in the pews for visitors to register."
"Well," interrupted the dealer, "didn't you receive them yet?"
"Oh, we received them all right," replied Deacon Brown.
"However, you sent us some golf pencils...each stamped with the
words, 'Play Golf Next Sunday'."
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Thanks to marti -- PC gone stupid
Sometimes all you can do is sigh -- just another
example of the depth of ignorance and enthusiastic
willingness to believe without examination of our
student rebels without a clue.
This is from John Fund's poitical diary:
'Pappy' Shot Down by Campus Ignoramuses
It's well known that college students today aren't as
educated in our nation's history as they should be,
but it's still hard to grasp the mind-bending
political correctness just displayed by the University
of Washington's student senate at its campus in
Seattle.
The issue before the Senate this month was a proposed
memorial to World War II combat pilot Gregory "Pappy"
Boyington, a 1933 engineering graduate of the
university, who was awarded the Congressional Medal of
Honor for his service commanding the famed "Black
Sheep" squadron in the Pacific. The student senate
rejected the memorial because "a Marine" is not "an
example of the sort of person UW wants to produce."
Digging themselves in deeper, the student opponents of
the memorial indicated: "We don't need to honor any
more rich white males." Other opponents compared
Boyington's actions during World War II with murder.
"I am absolutely bewildered that the Student Senate
voted down the resolution," Brent Ludeman, the
president of the UW College Republicans, told me. He
noted that despite the deficiencies of the UW History
Department, the complete ignorance of Boyington's
history and reputation by the student body was hard to
fathom. After all, "Black Sheep Squadron," a 1970s
television show portraying Colonel Boyington's heroism
as a pilot and Japanese prisoner of war, still airs
frequently on the History Channel. Apparently, though,
it's an unusual UW student who'd be willing to learn
any U.S. History even if it's spoonfed to him by TV.
As for the sin of honoring a rich white male, Mr.
Ludeman points out that Boyington (who died in 1988)
was neither rich nor white. He happened to be a Sioux
Indian, who wound up raising his three children as a
single parent. "Colonel Boyington is luckily not
around to see how ignorant students at his alma mater
can be today," says Kirby Wilbur, a morning talk show
host at Seattle's KVI Radio. Perhaps the trustees and
alumni of the school will now help educate them.
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Thanks to JLH: IF MY BODY WERE A CAR
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be
thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've
got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my
paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the
worst of it. My headlights are out of focus and it's
especially hard to see things up close. My traction is
not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It
takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate
burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it --
almost every time I sneeze, cough or
sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust
backfires!
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Thanks to WS: Quotes Of Abraham Lincoln
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
No man is good enough to govern another man without
that other's consent.
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of
them?
You have to do your own growing no matter how tall
your grandfather was.
Whatever you are, be a good one.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to
test a man's character, give him power.
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a
strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
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Here are some
ways to know if you're a true Alabamian...
1. You can properly pronounce Arab, Opelika,
Lafayette, Oneonta, and Eufaula.
2. You think people who complain about the heat in
their states are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in
the yard and look for a funnel.
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is
not determined by the distance to the door, but by the
availability of shade.
5. Stores don't have bags or shopping carts, they have
sacks and buggys.
6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.
7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an
accent.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because you think it is like
going to the ocean.
10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking
out an outfit.
11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to
plan their wedding date.
13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle
bigger than your fist.
14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental,
ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store.
15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy
Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.
16. You know everything goes better with Ranch.
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned
how to multiply.
18. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to
send them to your friends.
Finally:
19. you are 100% Alabamian if you have ever had this
conversation:
"You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr Pepper."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Coffee, No Cream"
If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/cleanlaugh/whatsagoober.htm
My Goober sister is a waitress at a hotel. One morning a customer was sitting at the table in the dining area, and said to my sister: "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream."
My sister went to get the coffee, but after 2 minutes came back to ask, "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?"
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CleanQuote
"If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less."
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"Motivation"
The head of a small industrial company posted DO IT NOW signs all around his office and plant in hopes of getting better results from his workers.
Some weeks later, when asked why he was removing the slogans, he said, "It worked too well: the bookkeeper skipped with $20,000; the chief clerk eloped with the best secretary I've ever had; three salesmen asked for raises; and the workers in the factory joined the union and are out on strike."