"Deck Praise"
I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work.
"Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert."
Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem egotistical, I responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty easy!"
She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I asked, "What did you just say?"
She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!"
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CleanQuote
"Some ministers would make good martyrs; they are so dry they would burn well."
- Charles Haddon Spurgeon
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"Elluding God"
In 1981, a Minnesota radio station reported a story about a stolen car in California. Police were staging an intense search for the vehicle and the driver, even to the point of placing announcements on local radio stations to contact the thief. On the front seat of the stolen car sat a box of crackers that, unknown to the thief, were laced with poison. The car owner had intended to use the crackers as rat bait.
The police and the owner of the VW Bug were more interested in apprehending the thief to save his life than to recover the car. So often when we run from God, we feel it is to escape his punishment. But what we are actually doing is eluding his rescue.
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I heard a story recently about a student named Donald
MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (in Scotland) who was
admitted into the prestigious Oxford University and was
living in the hall of residence in his first year there. His
clan was so excited that one of their own had made it into
the upper class of education, but they were concerned how he
would do in "that strange land." After the first month, his
mother came to visit.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she
asked.
"Mother," he replied in his thick brogue, "they're such
terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging
his head against the wall, and he won't stop. The one on the
other side screams and screams and screams away into the
night."
"Oh, Donald! How do you manage to put up with those awful
noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here
quietly, playing my bagpipes..."
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From WS: An Old Favorite -- The Death Of Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,
Mr. Common Sense. Sense had been with us for many
years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his
birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red
tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such
valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the
rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life
isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you earn)and reliable parenting
strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well
intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in
place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended
from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a
teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only
worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were
required to get parental consent to administer aspirin
to a student; but could not inform the parents when a
Student became pregnant and wanted to have an
abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband; churches became
businesses; and criminals received better treatment
than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman
failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was
hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a
huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima
Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
he was gone.
--author unknown
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Thanks to LBS for this favorite: The One Dollar Bill
Take out a one dollar bill, and look at it. The one
dollar bill you're looking at first came off the
presses in 1957 in its present design. This so-called
paper money is in fact a cotton and linen blend, with
red and blue minute silk fibers running through it. It
is actually material. We've all washed it without it
falling apart. A special blend of ink is used, the
contents we will never know. It is overprinted with
symbols and then it is starched to make it water
resistant and pressed to give it that nice crisp look.
If you look on the front of the bill, you will see the
United States Treasury Seal. On the top you will see
the scales for a balanced budget. In the center you
have a carpenter's square, a tool used for an even
cut. Underneath is the Key to the United States
Treasury. That's all pretty easy to figure out, but
what is on the back of that dollar bill is something
we should all know.
If you turn the bill over, you will see two circles.
Both circles, together, comprise the Great Seal of the
United States. The First Continental Congress
requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men
come up with a Seal. It took them four years to
accomplish this task and another two years to get it
approved.
If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a
Pyramid. Notice the face is lighted, and the western
side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had
not begun to explore the West or decided what we could
do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is un-capped,
again signifying that we were not even close to being
finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing
eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin's
belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group
of men, with the help of God, could do anything.
"IN GOD WE TRUST" is on this currency. The Latin above
the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, "God has favored
our undertaking."The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS
ORDO SECLORUM, means, "a new order has begun." At the
base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. If
you look at the right-hand circle, and check it
carefully, you will learn that it is on every National
Cemetery in the United States. It is also on the
Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida
National Cemetery, and is the centerpiece of most
hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of
the President of the United States, and it is always
visible whenever he speaks, yet very few people know
what the symbols mean.
The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory
for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm;
he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it.
Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just
broken from the King of England. Also, notice the
shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on
its own. At the top of that shield you have a white
bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were
coming together as one nation. In the Eagle's beak you
will read, "E PLURIBUS UNUM", meaning, "one nation
from many people".
Above the Eagle, you have thirteen stars, representing
the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of
misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming
together as one. Notice what the Eagle holds in his
talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This
country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to
fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to
face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze
turns toward the arrows.
They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This
is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never
see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a
13th floor. But think about this: 13 original
colonies, 13 signers of the Declaration of
Independence, 13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the
Pyramid, 13 letters in the Latin above, 13 letters in
"E Pluribus Unum", 13 stars above the Eagle, 13 bars
on that shield, 13 leaves on the olive branch, 13
fruits, and if you look closely, 13 arrows. And, for
minorities: the 13th Amendment.
I always ask people, "Why don't you know this?" Your
children don't know this, and their history teachers
don't know this. Too many veterans have given up too
much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans
remember coming home to an America that didn't care.
Too many veterans never came home at all.
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Theme Songs for Bible Characters
Noah...Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
Adam and Eve.....Strangers In Paradise
Lazarus........The Second Time Around
Esther........I Feel Pretty
Job........I've Got A Right To Sing The Blues
Moses........The Wanderer
Jezebel........The Lady Is A Tramp
Samson........Hair
Salome........I Could Have Danced All Night
Daniel........The Lion Sleeps Tonight
Joshua........Good Vibrations
Peter........I'm Sorry
Esau.........Born To Be Wild
Jeremiah........Take This Job And Shove It
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego........Great Balls Of Fire
The Three Kings........When You Wish Upon A Star
Jonah..........Got A Whale Of A Tale!
Elijah........Up, Up And Away
Methuselah........Stayin' Alive!
Nebuchadnezzar........Crazy