"Brother Review"
Arriving for a visit, a woman asked her small grand daughter, "How do you like your new baby brother?"
"Oh, he's all right," the child shrugged. "But there were a lot of things we needed worse."
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Oneliner
"If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say - talk in your sleep."
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CleanPun - "Terrace Water"
My wife and I were having lunch at a fashionable eatery in Annapolis when we noticed what looked like a familiar face at the next table. Screwing up my courage, I asked, "Excuse me. Aren't you Marlin Fitzwater, the former White House press secretary?"
"Yes, I am," he acknowledged, and graciously interrupted his lunch to talk to us.
As we were leaving the restaurant, I remarked to the hostess, "Do you know you have Marlin Fitzwater on the terrace?"
"I'm not sure about that," she replied, "but we have Perrier and Evian at the bar."
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Ten Minute Wait
I called to make airline reservations and was put on hold. After
several minutes of taped music, a recorded voice came on:
"If you have been waiting longer than ten minutes, you may press
eight. If your call is not answered within five more minutes, you may
press seven. This will not speed up your call, but it will give you
something to do while you wait."
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A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained
weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at
dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half,
until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice
led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone.
The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack
of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be
disappointed. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked
what her husband said when he found out.
She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate
half!"
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Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls.
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ACTUAL AD IN THE CLASSIFIEDS
$10,000 06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
Farmington , UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006
2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive)
It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a Loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever the #*## you want" Doesn't mean what I thought.
Call me, Steve...(801)867-8292
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A blind man enters a "Ladies Bar" by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair- giving that you are blind that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares, "Nah....Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."