Monday, January 31, 2005

hUMOR For January 31st

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It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
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It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
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Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of these immigration / visitation cards to fill out.
After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to a question that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?"
He pondered it for a minute, then wrote down, "I didn't realize this was still a requirement."
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Some years ago an Englishman on a plane to Australia was handed one of these immigration / visitation cards to fill out.
After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to a question that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?"
He pondered it for a minute, then wrote down, "I didn't realize this was still a requirement."
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A GORE LIMERICK

There is this guy named Al Gore,
Whose promises make me sore.
He promises the sky,
Fresh baked apple pie,
And more, and more and more.
In the past, in order to get our pay,
We had to work 'most ev'ry day.
Now, the Government promises to give
In order for most of us to live,
And I don't believe that's a good way.

By L. B. Strawn
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Thanks to J&G B: Think hard about solving this one.
(It is not supposed to be funny...)

Ethical/Moral Question

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your small car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first.

Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered, "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
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YOU MIGHT BE FROM MINNESOTA IF:* you define Summer as three months of bad sledding...* your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar...* snow tires come standard on all your cars...* at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm...* you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week...* you can identify a Duluth accent... it's pronounced; Doo-loot* you know what "cow-tipping" is.....* you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike...* "Down South" to you means Iowa...* traveling coast to coast means going from Stillwater to Ortonville.* a brat is something you eat ...* you actually miss Rudy Perpich....* you have no problem spelling Minneapolis..* you got a passport to go to Wisconsin...* you used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday...* your radio dial is "locked" onto 'CCO.* You can actually pronounce and spell Mille Lacs...* you know what a bubbler is.....* the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do...* your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce...* you think there should be a "FBI go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Rochester...* a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer...* you go out for fish fry on every Friday...* you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts...* when you tell someone where you are from and they say: 'I thought that was part of Canada...* your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July...* you know how to polka....* you think that Lutheran and Catholics ARE the major religions.....* formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap...* all your vacations are in-state, and "up nort".* you have to go to Florida to get a tan in August...* you define "swimming season" as "first week in August".* your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost...* you own an ice house, a snowmobile, and a pickup truck* your sports teams are "The Twinkies" and "The Queens"* you have more fishing poles than teeth...* you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend...* you need a second garage to store your "stuff"* when you talk "opener", you're not talking about cans.* you've got a bass boat, a speed boat, a canoe, and a pontoon..* you take pride in the winter temps at International Falls* happiness is owning a "piece of lakeshore"* you don't mind state taxes because of the "quality of life"* your major sports events are the high-school hockey and basketball tournaments* you go "home" ( to the farm ) for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and harvest.* you carry jumper cables in your car.