The End Is Near
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a
sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before
it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard a big splash.
"Do you think," said one clergyman to the other, "we should just put
up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Diagnosis
A man walks into the doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana
in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?", he asked.
"You're not eating properly", replied the Doctor.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Accidental Meeting
Over dinner, my wife said to me, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!"
"How did you meet this fellow?" I asked, very concerned.
She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"Found Wallet"
While shopping in a supermarket in
"A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains no ID. Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the customer service counter?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Oneliner
"Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster - keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
If Dr. Seuss Was a Technical Writer
If a packet hits a pocket
on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted
as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket
has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item
followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon
puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted
cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable
on the table at your house,
says the network is connected
to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel
on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected
by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted
by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window
are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot
and go out with a bang,
cause as sure as I'm a poet,
the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's
getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions
cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory
and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer
and be sure to tell your mom!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"65 At Least"
A policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver; When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, "sixty-five at least."
The woman replied: I don't think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older.