Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one
thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a
way of saving money.
The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested
limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.
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"You Know You're a Northerner When…"
~ you know the 4 seasons - winter, still winter, not winter and almost winter
~ you have more miles on your snow blower than your car
~ driving in winter is better, because all the potholes get filled with snow
~ you feel warm and toasty at minus 26
~ you find minus 40 a mite chilly
~ the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
~ somewhere in the area is a piece of frozen metal with bits of your tongue stuck to it
~ you thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary
~ men think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only eight buttons
~ your dog wears boots too
~ the mayor greets you on the street by your first name
~ if you don't go out for lunch you miss the sunrise and sunset
~ there is a sign outside of McDonalds that says: "Park dogteams in back"
~ if the school district had snow days, no one would ever have to go to school
~ you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%~ you have more miles on your snow blower than your car
~ driving in winter is better, because all the potholes get filled with snow
~ you feel warm and toasty at minus 26
~ you find minus 40 a mite chilly
~ the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
~ somewhere in the area is a piece of frozen metal with bits of your tongue stuck to it
~ you thought "Grumpy Old Men" was a documentary
~ men think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown with only eight buttons
~ your dog wears boots too
~ the mayor greets you on the street by your first name
~ if you don't go out for lunch you miss the sunrise and sunset
~ there is a sign outside of McDonalds that says: "Park dogteams in back"
~ if the school district had snow days, no one would ever have to go to school
~ you live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground
Yacht Refinancing"
I went to my bank to refinance a loan on my yacht.
Making small talk with the loan officer, I told her that she was the main reason I came to that branch.
Not even looking up from her paperwork, the loan officer responded, "You don't fool me, sailor. I'll bet you have a woman in every bank."
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%One Liner
"Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth."
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%CleanQuote
"Earth's crammed with Heaven, and every common bush afire with God; but only he who sees takes off his shoes."
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Stage Mothers"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A stage mother cornered the concert violinist in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of her talented son playing the violin.
The man agreed to listen, and the woman switched on the tape player. “What music’” the violinist thought. A difficult piece, but played with such genius that it brought tears to his eyes. He listened spellbound to the entire recording.
“Madam,” he whispered is that your son?”
“No, she replied. “That’s Jascha Heifetz. But my son sounds just like him..”