At a wedding ceremony that I was performing, I raised my
hand to give the final blessing.
The bride misunderstood my gesture and surprised me with a
high-five.
Not wanting to exclude the groom, I offered him a high-five,
too.
I was finally able to get my blessing in, amid the laughter
of the guests.
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Exercise 2
The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the
women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to
give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt
you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room got really quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group
raised his hand.
"Yes," replied the teacher.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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Weird News
Police: Woman hit hubby with lasagna
Investigators said Amanda Trott allegedly used the frozen food as a weapon during an argument with her husband, whose first name was not released, WJXT-TV,
"Mr. Trott claimed that Mrs. Trott had slapped him across the face several times and threw a frozen lasagna at him that struck him at the top of his head," police Sgt. David Cameron said.
Cameron said Amanda Trott admitted to officers she had used the frozen block of lasagna to hit her husband.
"In my opinion, it hurts very much and will cause welts. It's like throwing a block of ice, and it's very heavy," Cameron said.
Trott's husband was also arrested on unrelated charges.
"Later during the investigation, they discovered that Mr. Trott had a violation of injunction. He was also arrested," Cameron said.
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Students charged after bronze bull prank
TAMPA, Fla. (UPI) -- Five teens have been charged with grand theft after they admitted stealing a 400-pound bronze bull from a Valrico, Fla., high school, police said.
The teenagers, described by police as 16- and 17-year-old students from
Investigators said the students told them they were inspired to perform the stunt after watching an MTV program about high school pranks.
"They were contrite and apologetic,"
School district spokesman Steve Hegarty said administrators were not planning to discipline the students because they were arrested.
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Police: Pickup truck thief carjacked
SALINAS, Calif. (UPI) -- Police said a Salinas, Calif., man stole a Chevy pickup truck only hours before the vehicle was taken from him at gunpoint.
Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said Edward Bishop, 33, admitted to police he stole the Chevrolet Silverado truck at about 1 a.m. Saturday, the Salinas Californian reported.
However, Bishop said that later that day, a second man -- identified by police as Jomo Sexton, 34 -- entered the truck and pointed a gun at him. He told police Sexton made him drive around
Bishop was arrested on suspicion of vehicle theft and booked into the Monterey County Jail.
Sexton was taken to a hospital for treatment after crashing the stolen truck into a flag pole in front of Salinas Fire Station II, and was then released into police custody. He was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping, carjacking, reckless driving, driving under the influence, unlicensed driving, hit and run and violating his parole.
"You couldn't make up something stranger than this," McMillin said.
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Good News, Bad News
Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work
today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad
news for you, dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right
now, just give me the good news."
"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!"
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Norwegian in Fargo
A Norwegian took a trip to
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in
"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Sven.
"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"
"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"
The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in
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Sky Dive
A redneck wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the redneck to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The redneck understood and was ready.
The time came to have the redneck jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the redneck that he would be right behind him. The redneck proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the redneck.
The redneck, seeing this, yelled as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
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University Drive
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the high school intercom: "Will the students who are parked on
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars, return to class."