Wednesday, June 08, 2005

hUMOR For June 8th

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Work Ethic
Because of back problems, each night I lie on the floor and do exercises.
Once when we stopped at a motel, as I started my exercise, something under the bed caught my eye.
It was a card, on which was written "Yes, we do clean under here, too."
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Dating
Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one boasted. "Why just yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested in dating me but to be perfectly honest, I don't quite understand it."
"Well," said his friend, "you have to remember that nowadays women are more aggressive. They don't mind being the one to ask."
"No, I don't think it's that."
"Well, maybe you remind her of her father."
"No, it's not that either. It's just that she also mentioned something about carbon 14."
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Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful,
independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as
she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said, "Elegant
lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast
a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am, and then my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, on a meal of lightly sauteed frogs legs seasoned
in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to
herself and thought, "I don't think so!"
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George Washington's Rules of
Civility

In George Washington's rules of civility &
conversation (Little Books of Wisdom Series,Applegate
Books,30 pages) Our foundling Father gives 110 rules
of civility,many of which are still applicable today.
They include:

Rule 1:Every action done in company ought to be done
with some sign of respect to those that are present.

Rule11:Shift not yourself in the sight of others or
gnaw your nails.

Rule22:Shew not yourself glad at the misfortune of another,though he were your enemy.

Rule23:When you crime punished,you may be inwardly
pleased,but always shew pity to the offender.

Rule35:Let your discourse of business with men be
short and comprehensive.

Rule38:In visiting the sick,do not presently play the
physician if you be not knowing therein.

Rule49:Use no reproachful language against
anyone,neither curse or revile.

Rule56:Associate your self with Men of good quality if
you esteem your own reputation,For 'tis better to be
alone than in bad company.

Rule70:Reprehend not the imperfections of others,for
that belongs to Parent's

Rule81:Be not curious the affairs of other's neither
approach those that speak in private.

Rule110:Labor to keep alive in your breast that little
spark of celestial fire called Conscience.

George Washington
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Say What?

A research team proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic
protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a
sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of
which was unspecified.

One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to
the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the
second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented
in the same direction taken by the first team member.

In simple English what does this translate to??

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.