Wednesday, November 09, 2005

hUMOR For Nov. 9th

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At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is afull-size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allowsvisitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of whatthe pilot sees and feels.A guide at the top of the ramp points out the variouscontrols and gauges in the cockpit and gives informationabout the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who getsin.When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemedfascinated by all he saw and heard. Then he looked out at usand said, "Grandma, could I have a quarter?"
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Ever Driven a Honda?
A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No I haven't"
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
?Don?t let realism temper your faith ? let faith temper your realism.? -Y. Knott
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Here is today's Illustration. - Thoughtful Husbands
Flying home after visiting her daughter in England, a woman arranged to have her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C. airport. This meant a stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her husband was asked: "What is your reason for entering the country?" and "How long are you planning to stay?"
He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her trip to England. Without missing a beat, the guard asked two more questions in the same businesslike tone:
"Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table?"
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YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN:1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in yoursocks and discover you aren't wearing any.3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, popand you're not eating cereal.4. Your back goes out but you stay home.5. When you wake up looking like your driver'slicense picture.6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on thepatio.8. When happy hour is a nap.9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs outbefore your money does..10. When you say something to your kids that yourmother said to you and you always hated it.11. When all you want for your birthday is to not bereminded of your age.12. When you step off a curb and look down one moretime to make sure the street is still there.13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lastslonger.16. Your address book has mostly names that start withDr.17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in theparking lot.20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflectionfrom the sun on your bifocals.21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn'twork.23. You look for your glasses for half an hour andthey were on your head the whole time.24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they staythere.25. You give up all your bad habits and still don'tfeel good.26. You have more patience, but it is actually thatyou just don't care anymore.27. You finally get your head together and your bodystarts falling apart.28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when youdon't even remember being on top of it.