I was out at a bar, celebrating the weekend. At the end of the
evening, I was totally wasted and decided to take a bus home. I
arrived home safe and warm, which surprised me because I had never
driven a bus before.
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It Depends
A teacher said to her student, "William, if both of your
parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?"
After a few moments, William answered, "It depends."
"It depends on what?" she asked.
"It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."
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Memento
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?"
Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair."
Friend: "But your husband is still alive."
Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
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- How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
- “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”
- “Just leave all the lights on . . . it makes the house look more cheery”
- “Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, it’s good for another week”
- “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”
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