Thanks to PW -- Stressed Out?
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a
stress management technique recommended in all the
latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it
works.
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain
air.
3. No one knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place
called the world.
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
air with a cascade of serenity.
6 The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you
are holding underwater
See?.....You're smiling already.
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Thanks to PW: National Mental Health Care Week
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
You can do your part by remembering to contact at
least one unstable person to show you care.
Well, my job is done!
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Thanks to PW: Thoughts from Stephen Wright To ponder
Great truths come from warped minds.
FROM THE MYSTERIOUS MIND OF STEPHEN WRIGHT Ponder
these.
* I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I
don't know what to feed it.
* I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
* Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were
Catholic.
* All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me
happy.
* I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
* If the world was a logical place, men would ride
horses sidesaddle.
* What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
* They told me I was gullible . And I believed them.
* Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home
and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his
car onto a freeway.
* Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
* Experience is the thing you have left when
everything else is gone.
* What if there were no hypothetical questions?
* One nice thing about egotists. They don't talk about
other people.
* When the only tool you own is a hammer, every
problem begins to look like a nail.
* A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
* What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
* My weight is perfect for my height. Which varies.
* I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
* The high cost of living hasn't affected its
popularity.
* How can there be self-help "groups"?
* Is there another word for synonym?
* The speed of time is one second per second.
* Is it possible to be totally partial?
* What's another word for thesaurus?
* Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
* Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
* It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like
one.
* Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like
chicken?
* If a number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it
still number 2?
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Thanks to PW: A COMICAL LOOK AT AGING
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club
and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics
class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time
I got my leotards on, the class was over.
***
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what
do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the
reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
***
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your
own Easter eggs.
***
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"
***
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a
hip replacement and new knees. Fought prostate cancer
and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
quieter than a jet engine and take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor
circulation ... hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my
friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's
license.
***
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told
her preacher she had two final requests. First, she
wanted to be buried at Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."
***
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
***
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the
wrinkles fill out.
***
I've still got it ... but nobody wants to see it.
***
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some
parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
***
It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffeemaker.
***
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
says, "For fast relief."
***
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get
back up.
***
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old
... You grow old because you stop laughing.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Dignified Exit"
One evening, two girlfriends and I went to a nightclub, only to find the place packed with young people. At 40, we felt old, but before we could make a dignified exit, a tall, handsome man approached us.
"Perhaps we were being a little hasty in leaving," I thought.
Then with a big smile, the man extended his hand to one of my friends and said, "Hello. Remember me? You taught me in third grade."