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*Ten Reasons When Me Should Join The Choir*
10. Rehearsals are every Wednesday night. Which means that for those few hours, you will significantly reduce your risk of contracting tendonitis from nonstop operation of a television remote control or computer mouse.
9. Because you wear a choir robe every Sunday, you are liberated from a task many men find quite challenging: finding clothes that match properly.
8. From your special vantage point every Sunday, in which you look out at the entire congregation from the choir seats, you will develop interesting new hobbies. Among these is a little guessing game called "Who's Praying, Who's Sleeping?"
7. On the other hand, sitting in full view of 400-500 people on a weekly basis makes it much less likely that you yourself will give in to a chronic lack of sleep. Although it has been known to happen.
6. If you think your singing in the shower sounds good now, just wait till you've been singing with us for a few weeks.
5. Singing in a choir is one of the few activities for men that does not require electronic equipment or expensive power tools. This could be good for the family budget.
4. For the fitness buffs, singing in the Choir is not only heart healthy, it's soul healthy. But there are no monthly membership fees, and it's a lot easier on the knees than jogging.
3. If you think you've done everything there is to do, and there are no great challenges left in life, try singing with us and staying on pitch, guys.
2. Choir rehearsal lasts half as long as a professional football game, but is at least twice as satisfying. (Don't worry, though, the rehearsals are on Wednesday, not Monday Nights.)
1. When people ask you whether you've been behaving yourself, you can say with the utmost sincerity, "Hey, I'm a Choir Boy."
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You Don't Have To, Mom Said
Pat hasn't been on the best of terms with his neighbor recently. So whenever Pat's two rambunctious children knock the ball over the fence into the neighbor's yard, it's not returned.
Last summer, Pat purchased a trampoline. When the neighbor saw Pat's children playing on the new trampoline, he remarked, 'Now they'll probably be bouncing into my yard, too.'
'That's all right,' Pat responded. 'You don't have to throw them back, either.'
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Thanks to TC: Another one from my brother DC TC
A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place.
The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled money from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people."
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish," said the politician.
"In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."
Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE
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Thanks to LBS: Priceless Grandparent Stories
1. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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2. A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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3. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"! I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
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4. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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5. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
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6. A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her! hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."
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7. Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was
the 20,000 leaks!"
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8. When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation
cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to
keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did,
Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes
are coming after us with flashlights."
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9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I
teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma! ," headvised. "Mine
says I'm four."
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10. A second grader came home from school and said to
her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make
babies today." The mother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make
babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change"y"
to "i" and add 'es'."
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Children's Logic: Give me a sentence about a public
servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The
fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher
took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know
what pregnant means?" she asked "Sure," said the young
boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
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A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson
one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what
was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got
to the bottom, there were three of those little green
army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these
army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV - "The best
part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"
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Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School class to draw
pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was
puzzled by Jimmie's picture which showed four people
on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was
meant to represent.
"The flight to Egypt." said Jimmy.
"I see, and that must be Mary, Joseph and Baby Jesus,"
Ms. Susie said.
But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot."
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station
wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck
zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started
discussing the dog's duties. They use him to keep
crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They
use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire
hydrant."
ENJOY YOUR DAY - Hope this started it off with a
smile!