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Christmas Signs:
- From a toy store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."
- In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."
- Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."
- From a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."
- In a Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras: $70,000. Three for $200,000.
- A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."
- In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar to remind him when payments are due."
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"You can tell a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell a man is wise by his questions."
~ Naguib Mahfouz (1911 - )
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A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
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You Might Be A Redneck - .........
You might be a redneck if. . .This one is different and good...
it never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God. . ."
you've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
you still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
you bow your head when someone prays.
you stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
you treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
you've never burned an American flag.
you know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
you respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
you'd give your last dollar to a friend.
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of them. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends.
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Thanks to PW, a gentle soul who don't mean nothin' by it... :)
Women's favorite E-MAIL OF THE YEAR
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through, so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries.
Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."