Monday, December 26, 2005

hUMOR For Dec. 26th

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's just a small white envelope stuck among the branches of
our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no
inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree
for the past 10 years or so.

It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas -- oh,
not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial
aspects of it -- the overspending, the frantic running
around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and
the dusting powder for Grandma -- the gifts given in
desperation because you couldn't think of anything else.

Knowing he felt this way, I decided one year to bypass the
usual shirts, sweaters, ties, and so forth. I reached for
something special just for Mike. The inspiration came in an
unusual way.

Our son Kevin, who was 12 that year, was wrestling at the
junior level at the school he attended. Shortly before
Christmas, there was a non-league match against a team
sponsored by an inner-city church.

These youngsters, dressed in sneakers so ragged that
shoestrings seemed to be the only thing holding them
together, presented a sharp contrast to our boys in their
spiffy blue and gold uniforms and sparkling new wrestling
shoes. As the match began, I was alarmed to see that the
other team was wrestling without headgear, a kind of light
helmet designed to protect a wrestler's ears. It was a
luxury the ragtag team obviously could not afford.

Well, we ended up walloping them. We took every weight
class. And as each of their boys got up from the mat, he
swaggered around in his tatters with false bravado, a kind
of street pride that couldn't acknowledge defeat. Mike,
seated beside me, shook his head sadly, "I wish just one of
them could have won," he said. "They have a lot of
potential, but losing like this could take the heart right
out of them." Mike loved kids -- all kids -- and he knew
them, having coached little league football, baseball, and
lacrosse.

That's when the idea for his present came. That afternoon, I
went to a local sporting goods store and bought an
assortment of wrestling headgear and shoes and sent them
anonymously to the inner-city church. On Christmas Eve, I
placed the envelope on the tree, the note inside telling
Mike what I had done and that this was his gift from me. His
smile was the brightest thing about Christmas that year and
in succeeding years.

For each Christmas, I followed the tradition -- one year
sending a group of mentally handicapped youngsters to a
hockey game, another year a check to a pair of elderly
brothers whose home had burned to the ground the week before
Christmas, and on and on.

The envelope became the highlight of our Christmas. It was
always the last thing opened on Christmas morning, and our
children, ignoring their new toys, would stand with
wide-eyed anticipation as their dad lifted the envelope from
the tree to reveal its contents.

As the children grew, the toys gave way to more practical
presents, but the envelope never lost its allure. The story
doesn't end there. You see, we lost Mike last year due to
dreaded cancer. When Christmas rolled around, I was still so
wrapped in grief that I barely got the tree up. But
Christmas Eve found me placing an envelope on the tree, and
in the morning it was joined by three more.

Each of our children, unbeknownst to the others, had placed
an envelope on the tree for their dad. The tradition has
grown and someday will expand even further with our
grandchildren standing around the tree with wide-eyed
anticipation watching as their fathers take down the
envelope.

Mike's spirit, like the Christmas spirit, will always be
with us. May we all remember Christ, who is the reason for
the season, and the true Christmas spirit this year and
always.

God Bless! -- pass this along to your friends and loved
ones.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Roosters do NOT crow at the sun. Hens are scratching
for bugs at sunrise and the rooster is letting them
and all the others know they are his chickens, in his
territory.

The fighting men of ancient Greece wore only one
sandal, on the left foot, for kicking purposes.
Thus, the military evolved to start ceremonies on the
combat foot. It was also considered bad manners at a
friend's house to step on his threshold with your left
foot.

King Alexander of Greece died from blood poisoning
after being bitten by a pet monkey in 1920.

Need to ask a favor? Try your luck on Thursday.
That's when people feel most agreeable, according to a
study from McGill University in Montreal. Avoid
touchy subjects on Wednesday, when people are most
quarrelsome.

The tallest waterfalls in the world are Angel Falls in
Venezuela. At 979 m (3,212 ft), they are 19 times
taller than the Niagara Falls, or three times taller
than the Empire State Building. Although the Angel
Falls are much taller than the Niagara Falls, the
latter are much wider, and they both pour about the
same amount of water over their edges-- about 2,8
billion litres (748 million gallons) per second.

This fall millions of bats will migrate south.
Although they may scare the java out of you, these
creepy little critters play a crucial role in coffee
growing. Bats consume harmful insects that feed on
coffee plants. Also not only do they disperse seeds
from plants and trees, but their droppings (guano) are
an extremely rich fertilizer.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Laundry Rules

Pajamas -- Do not put pajamas in the dirty clothes
after only one wear. It is a scientific fact that you
do not get dirty while you sleep. Pajamas can be
worn many times before they smell bad enough to
warrant being thrown in the dirty clothes. Exception:
You may put pajamas in the dirty clothes if you throw
up on them or something else that may be deemed
disgusting, but only if they stink.

Socks -- Unroll your socks before putting them in the
dirty clothes. Otherwise, I will start washing and
drying them in their original rolled up little balls.
Special note: Unroll socks before throwing them down
the laundry chute. If you don't, the law of physics
causes them to bounce off the washer and land behind
the washer or dryer, and Mom is getting to old to
crawl back there and fish them out.

Clothes Hung Up -- Clean clothes can be easily removed
from the clothes bar by gently lifting up on the
hanger and pulling towards you. The clean item can
now be removed from the hanger for wearing. The wrong
way to remove clean clothes is to YANK on one corner
of the garment. This causes the hanger to go flying
around the clothes bar, scratching the wall and
becoming impossibly entangled with the neighboring
hangers. Special note: This makes Mom want to choke
children. So far, she has been able to refrain from
this action.

Dirty Clothes Rule -- If you have made the decision to
put something in the dirty clothes, do not later
decide that you, for some reason, now need to retrieve
it by digging through the clothes baskets, leaving
behind a mess that looks like a small tornado whipped
through the laundry room, leaving a scene of
devastation in its wake. Special note: The only thing
worse than having to put stinking clothes in the
laundry baskets is having to do it over and over and
over.

Pockets -- Check your own pockets before you put dirty
items (again, make sure they are dirty first) in the
laundry room. Have you ever tried to pick tiny pieces
of white paper off an entire load of dark clothes? No?
I thought not! But the next time this occurs, you will
have the pleasure of this experience. Special note: In
the future, all money found in pockets becomes the
property of the laundry-doer, and that most assuredly
will be Mom, who hopes to be able to save up for a
Caribbean cruise, which she will go on alone. She has
heard that you don't have to do laundry while you are
on a cruise!

Folded Clothes Rule -- When those clean clothes
miraculously appear on your bed or chair, graciously
thank the saintly person who lovingly placed them
there and PUT THEM AWAY! Special note: Failure to do
this in the future will result in a generous
contribution to the Goodwill.

General Dirty Clothes Rule -- If they aren't dirty,
why the heck are they in the laundry room? Put them
back in your closet or drawers. When you decide to try
something on and decide that it will not make the
fashion statement you were looking for that particular
day, think twice before you make that conscious
decision that it is easier to throw the item in the
dirty clothes rather than hanging it back up. Again,
the Goodwill would love to have these items, as their
fashion standards must not be as high as yours.

Laundry Sharing -- In the future, each of you will be
required to do one load of laundry a week.
Instructions will be provided. Mom feels that the joy
of this household chore should be shared, and she has
been very selfish about this in the past. She also
feels that this is a necessary life skill, and without
it, you may not ever want to leave home. This would
not be in the best interest of your parents.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious
situations and some equally stupid answers:-

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends

Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Well, it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so
I thought I'd watch some advertisements in the cool
comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled
shoes steps on your feet

Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....
why don't you try again or should I try this time.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask

Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:- Is the "blah blah blah" dish good

Answer:- No, its teribble and made of adulterated
cement. We occasionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt
meets you after years

Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you've become so
big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk
yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No, he's a miserable wife-beating,
insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping.

Answer:- No. I was playing cricket for India at
Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was
betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you
think?

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently
shorter hair

Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects
in your mouth

Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- And while I'm telling you, you tell me if I
bite.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks

Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke

Answer:- No, it's a miracle... it was a chalk and now
it's in flames!!!