Camel Questions
A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replied, "Well son, when we trek across the desert, our toes will help us stay on top of the soft sand."
Two minutes later the young camel asked, "Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?"
They are there to keep the sand out of our eyes on the trips through the desert," the mother said.
"Mom, why have we got these great big humps on our back?"
"They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods of time."
"So we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long eyelashes to keep the sand out of our eyes, and these humps to store water."
"Yes dear," said the mother.
"So why are we in the San Diego Zoo?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Lotto Joe
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I ve lost my business and if I don t get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well". Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.
Once again, he prays.. "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"Sarahella"
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them."
Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.
Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.
The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again."
The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.
"I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Accidental Meeting
Over dinner, my wife said to me, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!"
"How did you meet this fellow?" I asked, very concerned.
She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"Found Wallet"
While shopping in a supermarket in
"A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains no ID. Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the customer service counter?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Oneliner
"Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster - keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
If Dr. Seuss Was a Technical Writer
If a packet hits a pocket
on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted
as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket
has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item
followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon
puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted
cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on the cable
on the table at your house,
says the network is connected
to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel
on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected
by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted
by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window
are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot
and go out with a bang,
cause as sure as I'm a poet,
the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's
getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions
cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory
and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer
and be sure to tell your mom!
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
"65 At Least"
A policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver; When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, "sixty-five at least."
The woman replied: I don't think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older.
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
”Work Visit”
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?"
"I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered.
Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Just Thankful
In my senior year, I reluctantly took a required psychology
course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's
major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students
were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.
"So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of your
wasting your education to study music?"
"He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Baptism
A friend of mine took her four-year-old daughter to a
baptismal service at her church. Later that night, her
daughter took all of her dolls into the bathtub with her and
held her own "baptism."
As she dunked each doll under the water, she repeated, "Now
I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and hold
your nose."
VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
Afterlife
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, ' Look, he's moving!'"