The Lineup
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is
going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you
try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says,
"Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The one in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
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"Think She'll Die?"
One afternoon while I was visiting my library, I noticed a group of preschoolers gathered for story time. The book they were reading was THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY.
After the librarian finished the first page, she asked the children, "Do you think she'll die?"
"Nope," a little girl in the back said. "I saw this last night on FEAR FACTOR."
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CleanQuote
"A halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose."
- Farmers Almanac
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"Generation Gap"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
I've got 3 TVs, cable & a satellite dish. I have 3 phone lines in the house, a cell phone and one in the car, plus a pager.
I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to two daily papers and one weekly one. I watch both the local and the network news every evening.
And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch.
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Wedding Showers
Pre-wedding sign for the groom...
Henry: “If a wedding means showers for the bride, what does it mean for the groom?”
Jack: “Curtains.”
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Card Name
A customer called the airline's reservation office to pay for his
ticket with a credit card. The reservation specialist asked him,
"Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card, sir?"
The customer carefully replied, "V-I-S-A."