"Punishment Withheld"
Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?
One Student: "Because George still had the axe in is hand?"
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CleanQuote
"Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today."
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Independence Day
The anniversary of the independence of the United States of America is
celebrated on July fourth of each year. There are many traditions associated
with this American holiday but few people know the origins of these customs.
In 1767, England began taxing the tea sent to her American colonies. The
colonists where very much against this "taxation without representation"
and, in protest, refused the unloading of the tea from the ships. The
colonists became so upset about the taxation issue that, in 1773, a band of
colonists invaded the ships of the East India Company while dressed as
Native Americans and tossed a plethora of tea into Boston Harbor. The
incident would soon come to be known as the Boston Tea Party.
Many Americans now celebrate this historic event on July fourth by visiting
the very ocean that contains the tea from the Boston Tea Party. Although you
cannot drink the tea from the ocean, many people symbolize the action by
partaking of their favorite alcoholic beverage. Each summer, hordes of
people can be seen occupying the many beaches of the United States to honor
this historic event. Many people will lay out in the sun until their
epidermis turns red to symbolize the skin color of the Native Americans that
the Boston colonists imitated during their raid.
In 1774, at one of the first coastal celebrations of the Boston Tea Party,
two young men were playing catch with a pie pan when one of the youths
accidentally stepped on Benjamin Franklin. Franklin told the young man, "Hey
kid! Don't tread on me!" The saying was soon incorporated into what is now
known as the Gadsden Flag that was carried into battle during the
revolutionary war.
The story is told of George Washington, the first president of the United
States, when, as a young boy, he chopped down one of his fathers valuable
cherry trees. His father questioned George about the incident and the
younger Washington confessed by saying, "Father, I cannot tell a lie. It was
I who chopped down the cherry tree." For most people, this is where the
story ends but in reality, there is more.
You must understand that during this time of American history, people wasted
very little and there was now a dilemma as to what should be done with the
cherry tree. George Washington's father pondered on the idea and thought
that if only he come up with some kind of food to insert on the ends of the
tree limbs, he could extend the limbs over an open fire in order to cook the
food.
Mr. Washington had another problem as well. Being a pig farmer, he was
receiving complaints from colonial environmentalists about contamination in
the Potomac River by waste runoff from his farm. He solved both of his
problems by collecting the waste, forming it into a tube, inserting the end
of a branch from the cherry tree and roasted it over an open fire. The
wienie roast is still an American Fourth of July tradition today.
During the French and Indian War of 1754-1763, George Washington was taught
the fine art of potato krinkling by a captured French chef. These krinkle
cut potatoes were then cooked in a kettle of animal fat until golden brown.
It is this French delicacy, known as the French Fry, that now accompanies
the main course at a wienie roast.
Later on in U.S. history and during an American Civil War battle at
Manassas, Virginia, known as the Battle of Bull Run, many innocent cattle,
mostly bulls, were slaughtered in their attempt to "run" from the battle.
The bulls attempted to protect the cows and calves and as a result, were
torn to bits by both the Union and Confederate forces. After the battle, the
hungry soldiers collected bits of beef from the ground (ground beef) and
made them into "cow patties." Since the battle occurred just weeks after the
July Fourth celebrations of 1861, these "patties" soon became a traditional
July fourth source of nourishment.
In June of 1776, a Philadelphia seamstress named Betsy Ross was approached
by Thomas Jefferson and asked to design a red, white and blue flag with
thirteen stars and thirteen stripes. Betsy questioned the design saying that
the color and patterns would probably make the appearance of the flag "too
busy" and that project would be aesthetically challenging. She asked why he
would want her to make such a thing as that which he asked. Mr. Jefferson,
not wanting to divulge the true intentions of the endeavor, told Ms. Ross
that the flag was a practical joke for John Adams.
Betsy made the flag but the original colors were entirely too bright. She
washed the fabric until she was satisfied with the color balance and, since
her clothesline was already full with the washing of the day, hung the new
flag on a pole that extended outward from her front porch.
Betsy's neighbors knew that, as a popular seamstress, she was up to date on
the current market trends in apparel fabrics. Seeing that Betsy had
displayed her new fabric from a pole on her front porch, they hurried to
create knockoff fabrics. Soon Americans were displaying copies of Betsy's
flag from their front porches and the tradition is carried on to this day by
the display of the American Flag from the porches of Americans each Fourth
of July.
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Where are the other 6 ups?
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A man was driving down the highway late one night when his
mini-van broke down. He turned on his flashers and tried to
get someone's attention to help him. Eventually a Lamburgini
Countash pulls up.
"Any chance I could get a lift into town?" said the mini-van
driver.
"I can do better than that," the man driving the Countash
replied. "I've got a V-12 under this hood, I can tow you to
the nearest town, no problem. Just honk your horn and flash
your lights if I start going too fast."
They head off down the road and eventually come to a stop
light and up pulls a Farrari F40 with a V-10. The F40 began
to rev it's engine to get the Countash to race. The Countash
rev's its engine and the light turns green. They fly out of
there, and about a half a mile down the road they pass a
speed trap.
The officer there watches them pass and radios to base
saying, "Base, you will not believe what I just saw. A F40
and a Countash were driving down the road doing about 120
with a Mini-van honking it's horn and flashing it's lights
trying to pass them!"
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Thanks to Marti -- FATHERS
"My father used to play with my brother and me in the
yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing
up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would
reply, "We're raising boys." -- Harmon Killebrew
"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is
soap-on-a-rope." -- Bill Cosby
"Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with
you at bat. Then fold second base down home and set
the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and
third together, bring up home plate and pin the three
together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call
the game and start all over again." -- Jimmy Piersal
"To be a successful father...there's one absolute
rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the
first two years." -- Ernest Hemingway
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From GCFL: When I was:
Four years old: My daddy can do anything.
Five years old: My daddy knows a whole lot.
Six years old: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Eight years old: My dad doesn't know exactly
everything.
Ten years old: In the olden days, when my dad grew up,
things were sure different.
Twelve years old: Oh, well, naturally, Dad doesn't
know anything about that. He is too old to remember
his childhood.
Fourteen years old: Don't pay any attention to my dad.
He is so old-fashioned.
Twenty-one years old: Him? My Lord, he's hopelessly
out of date.
Twenty-five years old: Dad knows about it, but then he
should, because he has been around so long.
Thirty years old: Maybe we should ask Dad what he
thinks. After all, he's had a lot of experience.
Thirty-five years old: I'm not doing a single thing
until I talk to Dad.
Forty years old: I wonder how Dad would have handled
it. He was so wise.
Fifty years old: I'd give anything if Dad were here
now so I could talk this over with him. Too bad I
didn't appreciate how smart he was. I could have
learned a lot from him.
Writer Unknown
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Thanks to Marti for what could easily have been the
Last Laugh -- Cancel your credit cards..THIS IS SO
FUNNY
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.
This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening,
customer service being what it is today. A lady died
this past January, and Citibank billed her for
February and March for their annual service charges on
her credit card, and then added late fees and interest
on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now
is somewhere around $6000. A family member placed a
call to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died
in January."
Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees
and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to
collections."
Bank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has
been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find
out she is dead?"
Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds
division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe
both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Bank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling
you - the part about her being dead?"
Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in
January."
Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees
and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her
estate?"
Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer
info given)
Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After
they get the fax:
Bank: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't
know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If
not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think
she will care."
Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still
apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing
address?"
Bank: "That might help."
Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129,
Plot Number 69."
Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on
your planet?"
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The Last Laugh today goes to Tom Fowler for this funny
one -- I love senior citizens
A very self-important college freshman attending a
recent football game, took it upon himself to explain
to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was
impossible for the older generation to understand his
generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost
primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many
of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today
grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man
walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited
Mars...We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen
cars, computers with light-speed processing.....and,"
pausing to take another drink.....
The Senior took advantage of the break in the
student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We
didn't have those things when we were young.....so we
invented them.
Now, you arrogant little nincompoop, what are you
doing for the next generation?"
I love senior citizens!
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Blind Date
"That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex-boyfriend."
"I know, but I don't hold any grudges."
"I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her."
"Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double."
"Wow! Is that true?"
"I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age."