"Kids' Letters to the President"
Dear Mr. President:
How much money does the president make? Could you please write and tell me because if it isn't enough money then I will become a dentist.
--
When will we have a woman president? I am ready.
--Brooke A, age 10
Do you have any friends in Congress? My mom says your only friend is the vice-president.
--Richard D., age 8
Someday I hope there will be a woman president. But not my sister. She will drive everybody crazy----the Democrats and Republicans.
--A citizen, Lawrence K., age 8
What is your favorite book? My mom said it is the Bible because you have to pray a lot.
--Kimberly W., age 8,
Dear President Bush:
Can you help with the weather in
--Elizabeth P., age 8 Seattle WA
What does Congress do all day? My dad told me that Congress doesn't do anything but make trouble.
--Ralph N.,
What does the vice president do all day? I have asked a lot of grownups and nobody knows the answer.
--Shannon D., age 8 Bismarck, ND
I think you won the election because you were a better speaker even if a lot of people didn't know what you were talking about.
--Tracey O., age 10 Green Valley, AZ
My girlfriend Betsy and I would like to get married in the White House when we get married someday. We will be married in 20 years.
--Peter N., age 7 Bismarck, ND
Dear President Bush:
What size shoes do you wear? My grandfather died last month and he left a lot of shoes and my brother and I would like to send you and the vice-president a pair of shoes. Do you like brown shoes or black shoes? We will shine the shoes before we send them to you.
--Joey P., age 8
On TV you didn't answer some questions because you said the answer was classified. Can I classify my answers? I got into trouble when I admitted I broke something I shouldn't have touched. If I could say the answer is classified, I wouldn't be in trouble.
--Martin J., age 9
Dear Mr. President:
My girlfriend Alyssa is a Republican and I am a Democrat. Someday we may get married. Can a Democrat marry a Republican and be happy? I am 12 and my girlfriend is 11. We would like your answer befpre we are 18.
--Ryan C., age 12
Someday if we have a woman president we will need more closets in the White House so the president will have room for all her clothes. My mom has three closets and my sister has two closets and my dad and my brother and I have to share closets.
--Michael P., age 8
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Man's Best Friend
A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it,
just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an
hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?
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"According to a poll in Health Magazine, more Americans
said they'd rather have Bill Clinton as their father than
President Bush. Well sure, with
with a lot more, don't you think? 'Look, I won't mention
you coming home late, if you don't mention me coming home
late.'" --Jay Leno
***
"Last week President Bush created the world's largest pro-
tected marine area, dubbed the
National Monument. It contains sea life that has inspired
some of our most breathtaking screensavers." --Jon Stewart
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Woman becomes U.S.
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- A Virginia woman has become the first female winner of the National Sweet Corn-Eating Championship in West Palm Beach, Fla.
Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, a first-time competitive corn eater who manages a Burger King, took home the $1,500 prize and an angel-topped 3-foot gold trophy after downing 32 1/2 ears of corn in 12 minutes, The Palm Beach (Fla.) Post reported.
Thomas, who weighs 100 pounds, bested nine men in the competition, including last year's champion and record holder "Crazy Legs" Conti, who finished third with 30 ears, falling short of his record-setting 34 3/4 ears at last year's event.
In second place, with 31 ears, was Jammin' Joe LaRue, who won the competition two years ago.
Thomas said she ate only four or five ears of corn to practice for the competition.
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Woman, 83, graduates from university
KALAMAZOO, Mich. (UPI) -- An 83-year-old woman who set out after retirement to earn a college degree has graduated from Western Michigan University in Kalamazoo, Mich.
Ruth Stoeffler said she began her college career in 1995, shortly after the death of her husband, and took a wide variety of classes during the ensuing 13 years until she earned a bachelor's degree in social science studies, the Detroit Free Press reported.
"I was by myself and had to do something," she said. "I wanted something interesting and challenging and fun ... I thought, 'I'm going to get myself a diploma from a university.'"
Stoeffler, who walked down the aisle with classmates at the university's graduation ceremony during the weekend, told the Free Press she doesn't intend to use her degree to start a new career but she said she would like to parlay her knowledge and experience into volunteer work.
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Gator attacks golf ball diver
Matt Johnson, a golf cart attendant at the Tampa Palms Golf and Country Club, said diver Dwight Monreal, 62, had donned his scuba gear and waded into the water Saturday when the alligator popped out of the water and latched on to Monreal's arm, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported.
"We rushed toward the water and the gator let go of him," Johnson said. "I like to think we scared him."
Johnson told the newspaper he and a club member took Monreal to the clubhouse where he was met by police and an ambulance, which took him to
Police said Monreal suffered a dislocated left shoulder and puncture wounds to his left arm in the attack. He was discharged from the hospital Saturday night.
Officials at the country club said the 13th hole will be closed until the alligator is captured and killed, the Times reported.
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Liver n' Cheese Poodle
There was a labrador, a dalmation and a doberman in a doggy bar when an attractive girl poodle walks in. She says to the three dogs "Whichever one of you can say the best sentence with liver and cheese in wins a date!"
So the labrador says " I like cheese but I don't like liver," but that wasn't good enough for the girl poodle.
Then the Doberman said "I like liver but I don't like cheese" but it still wasn't good enough.
Finally the dalmtion piped in with "Liver alone. Cheese mine!"
However, he still lost because it was the cheesiest joke she had ever heard.
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Sadam Look-Alikes
I heard that they got all of the Sadam look-alikes together and told them that they have some good news and some bad news.
The good news was that Sadam survived the bombings, so they all still had jobs.
One of the look-alikes asked, "What's the bad news?"
The bad news, they were told, was that he lost an arm and an eye.
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Stop
When do you stop at GREEN and go at RED?
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"How about that John McCain. He looks like the kind of guy
who walks into a
writer ribbon?'" -Dave Letterman
***
"Today, President Bush gave a news conference about the
economy but he stubbornly refused to say the word recession.
Instead, Bush said, 'Our country is heading towards some-
thing that has three syllables and rhymes with refreshin.'"
-Conan O'Brien
***
The video game Grand Theft Auto IV went on sale today. It's
a shame kids these days are spending so much time playing
video games where they steal cars, and not getting out there
in the sunshine and really stealing cars." -Jimmy Kimmel