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YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MISSIONARY KID WHEN…
You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?"
You speak two languages, but can't spell either.
You flew before you could walk.
You embarrass yourself by asking what swear words mean.
You have a passport, but no driver's license.
You watch National Geographic specials and recognise
someone.
You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
You don't know how to play Pac-Man.
You would rather eat seaweed than cafeteria food.
Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
You speak to different ethnic groups in their own language.
You think in grams, metres, and litres.
You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
You send your family peanut butter and Kool-Aid for
Christmas.
You worry about fitting in, and wear a native wrap around
the dorm.
National Geographic makes you homesick.
You have strong opinions about how to cook bugs.
You live at school, work in the tropics, and go home for vacation.
You don't know where home is.
Strangers say they can remember you when you were "this
tall."
You have friends from or in 29 different countries.
You do your devotions in another language.
You sort your friends by continent.
You keep dreaming of a green Christmas.
You tell people where you're from, and their eyes get big.
You are grateful for the speed and efficiency of any postal service.
You realise that furlough is not a vacation.
You wince when people mispronounce foreign words.
You've spoken in dozens of churches, but aren't a pastor.
Furlough means that you are stuffed every night... and have
to eat it all to seem polite.
Your parents decline your cousin's offer to let them use his BMW, and stuff all six of you into an old VW Beetle instead.
You stockpile mangoes.
You know what REAL coffee tastes like.
The majority of your friends don't speak English as a first language.
Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
You believe vehemently that football is played with a round, spotted ball.
You know there is no such thing as an international
language.
You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism.
You realise what a small world it is, after all.
You never take anything for granted.
You watch a movie set in a foreign country, and you know
what the nationals are REALLY saying into the camera.
You know how to pack.
All preaching sounds better under a corrugated tin roof.
Having four distinct seasons other than: dry, very dry,
rainy, very rainy, is a new experience.
After a couple of years in one spotm, you're ready to move again.
You frequently say, "I don't know, I was out of the
country."
You feel uncomfortable in school without a uniform.
School gets cancelled due to flash flooding.
Tropical fruits aren't imported.
Walking miles to and from school is "normal."
If someone asks what school you went to, you reply, "depends
on the year."
You are afraid to ask what you are eating. But munch away,
with a smile on your face.
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Blonde Jokes
SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
BUY A TICKET? A blonde is stopped by a local policeman for speeding. Outraged, the blonde cattily comments to the cop, "And I suppose you want me to buy a couple tickets to this year's 'Policemans' Ball'?" Madam, replies the annoyed officer, "Policemen DON'T have any balls!"
KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Helloooooo", answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
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Women are pretty smart.........
One morning on a lake in Wisconsin, the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies (thinking - isn't that obvious?) .
"You're in a restricted fishing area", he informs her. "I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." She replies."Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up. "If you do that, I"ll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman. "But I have not even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL:Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
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Letter Pride
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from ours, we have to go to the bank!"
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CleanQuote.
"It is unfortunate that, as we grow up, nature robs us of the knowledge of what youngsters are always giggling about."
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Poor Health
I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history.
After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said, "You look better in person than you do on paper."
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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money to begin with?Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billionstars, but check when you say the paint is wet?Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when youthrow a revolver at him?Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes thatsomething new to eat will have materialized?Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people issuffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three siblings. If they're OK, (and they are), then its YOU!