Name Spelling
It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The
teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to
spell their name out loud.
When she came to a young Pakistani boy and asked his name, he
replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee."
"How do you spell that?" asked the teacher.
"My mother helps me," said the little boy.
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"Salt Lake vs. Denver"
I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," said a cheery salesperson.
"And what about Salt Lake City?"
"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake. It's $99.00, but there is a stopover."
"Where?"
"In Denver."
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Oneliner
"If you are good, you will be assigned all the work - if you are really good, you will get out of it."
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CleanPun - "Marriage Match"
Did you hear about the manicurist and dentist who got married?
They fought tooth and nail.
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I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do
that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's
been, it's dirty and probably has germs," I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total
admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff.
It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't
let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3
minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new
information.
"Oh, I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test,
you have to be the daddy."
"Exactly," I replied back with a big smile on my face and
joy in my heart.
When you're finished laughing, send this to a Mom!
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Worker Ants
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a
natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them,
"can carry pieces of food five times their own weight.
What do you conclude from that?"
One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have
a union."
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An Oldie, but a Goodie...
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from
Noah's Ark
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built
the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may
ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the
job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails
were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the
Titanic by professionals.
Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God,
there's always a rainbow waiting...Pass this along and
make someone else smile, too
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another one with a great
point!
Isn't this amazing?
TAXES
Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
Capital Gains Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Court Fines (indirect taxes)
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel permit tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax Interest expense (tax on the money)
Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax)
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Septic Permit Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes (Truckers)
Sales Taxes
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Road Toll Booth Taxes
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone federal excise tax
Telephone federal universal service fee tax
Telephone federal, state and local surcharge taxes
Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax
Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax
Telephone state and local tax
Telephone usage charge tax
Toll Bridge Taxes
Toll Tunnel Taxes
Traffic Fines (indirect taxation)
Trailer Registration Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
COMMENTS:
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our
nation was the most prosperous in the world, had
absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle
class in the world and only one parent had to work to
support the family.
What happened?
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"Clergy Banter "
A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon and getting somewhat bored with the round; so when we came upon the water hazard with two ducks sitting quietly on the water, I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move. Being a guy, he took the bet.
He launched four tee shots toward the ducks, and even threw two by hand, and the ducks still wouldn't budge.
Only after he lost six golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys.