When Your Hut's on Fire....
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a
small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for
God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon
for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he
eventually managed to build a little hut out of
driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to
store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging
for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in
flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the
worst had happened, and everything was lost.
He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He
cried out, "God! How could you do this to me?" Early
the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged
when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose
heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in
the midst of our pain and suffering. Remember that the
next time your little hut seems to be burning to the
ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the
Grace of God.
P.S. You may want to consider passing this on, because
you never know who feels as if their hut is on fire
today.
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed a little boy staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven- year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning son."
"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.
"Sir, what is this?" the boy asked.
"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor.
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.
The little boy's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?"
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My sister-in-law shrieks whenever she sees a bug. She and my brother were out driving one day, and she started screaming, "A bug! a bug!"
Imagining it must be the size of a tarantula, he shouted, "Where?"
"Over there," she said, pointing out the window, "It's the new Volkswagen!"
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An elderly man was sued by his neighbor for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial the man approached the judge, "Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge replied, "That is true."
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig whatever he wanted with no fear of legal action.
The elderly gent looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
That means that he was a . . .
super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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You Know You're Going to Need a New Lawyer When...
During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
A prison guard is shaving your head.
Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
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An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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Apparently the Department of Transportation is going to be laying off most of the workers from road crews.
It seems that someone has invented a shovel that will stand up by itself.
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A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I'll die for you!"
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"
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An elderly man was sued by his neighbor for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial the man approached the judge, "Does this mean that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"
The judge replied, "That is true."
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig whatever he wanted with no fear of legal action.
The elderly gent looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
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As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.
As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."