"The TSA is being criticized for checking 2-year-olds at
airport security. People say 2-year-olds can't be
terrorists - unless you're sitting next to one on a flight."
-Jay Leno
***
"Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife are separating. She'll
get the house in Malibu and he'll be moving back to Skull
Island." -David Letterman
***
"The royal couple is finally heading to their honeymoon for
two weeks of living in pampered luxury, followed by a life-
time of...the same." -Craig Ferguson
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Flag Pin
I was touring a British naval vessel, wearing my American flag lapel
pin. As I asked the tour guide a question, he called out, "Sir, you
are in distress!"
I was greatly confused, until he pointed out that the flag on my
lapel was upside down, the naval symbol for a ship in distress.
I fumbled with the sticky clasp for a moment, but was only able to
turn the flag 90 degrees. "Ah," he said sternly, "now you're being
boarded by pirates."
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Dining Out
One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant.
Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard
look at the potato, called the waitress over and said,
"This potato is bad!"
To my utter amazement, the waitress at this "5-Star" place,
picked the potato up, smacked it, put it back on the plate,
then told my Dad, "If that potato causes any more trouble,
just let me know."
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Dining Out
One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant.
Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard
look at the potato, called the waitress over and said,
"This potato is bad!"
To my utter amazement, the waitress at this "5-Star" place,
picked the potato up, smacked it, put it back on the plate,
then told my Dad, "If that potato causes any more trouble,
just let me know."
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Casserole
Before rushing to work, I prepared a casserole for that evening's
dinner and put it in the fridge. As I turned to leave, I told my son
to stick it in the oven when he got home from school. "Make sure to
put it in at 350," I said.
"Sorry, can't," he replied. "I don't get home until quarter after four."