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A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not guilty.
Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you possibly have found this man innocent?"
The foreman replied, "Insanity."
The perplexed prosecutor asked, "All twelve of you?"
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Here is today's CleanPun.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
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A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at all. After checking the bull's vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill. He forced open the bull's mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.
Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.
The vet exclaimed, "Well, looks like your bull is healed!"
The farmer replied, "Now give me one of those pills. I've gotta catch him!"
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Late for Class
At a prestigious university there is a clear hierarchy that outlines how long one was to wait for a class to begin if the professor were absent. A full professor rated fifteen minutes. An associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however; and students were afforded no such grace.
It was to be expected, therefore, that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission, would register distinct annoyance when a student, just out of military service, was late for class for the third morning running.
"Tell me," the professor began, "exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late like this?"
"Well," mused the unperturbed young man... "first they saluted, then they asked, 'How are you this morning, sir?'"
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Perfecting the Art of Falling ApartMy hair's getting thinner, my body is not;The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.I smell of Vick's Vapo-Rub, not Chanel # 5;My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;If my name's not there, I'll once again start-Perfecting the art of falling apart.