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Cute Baby
When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup,
the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."
Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."
"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking."
"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.
"He looks just like you."
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A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts."
Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty. You have to put something into it!" She then prepared a bowl of soup.
Later that day the pastor and his wife came over for dinner. The pastor began to feel bad. Holding his head he said, "I have such a terrible headache!"
The little girl looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, "That's because it's empty. You have to put something into it!"
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At a wedding I attended, the priest called for a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead.
As the church grew quiet, a little boy sitting in front of me turned to his father and said excitedly, "Dad, you have some of their albums!"
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One day a man was walking along the beach and found an old bottle washed up on the shore. He picked it up and opened it, and a genie popped out and said "Thanks! You know the drill... you've got three wishes. The only catch is, whatever you ask for, your ex-wife will get double."
The guy thought about this for a minute and said, "OK, fair enough. For my first wish I'd like a million dollars." Poof! A million for him, two million for the ex-wife.
"OK, how about your next wish?" asked the genie. "Well, I think I'd like a mansion by the sea." Once again, everything went as expected - he got his mansion, and the ex-wife got two.
"What would you like for your last wish?" asked the genie.
"My last wish is that I'd like you to scare me half to death!"
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One day a man was walking along the beach and found an old bottle washed up on the shore. He picked it up and opened it, and a genie popped out and said "Thanks! You know the drill... you've got three wishes. The only catch is, whatever you ask for, your ex-wife will get double."
The guy thought about this for a minute and said, "OK, fair enough. For my first wish I'd like a million dollars." Poof! A million for him, two million for the ex-wife.
"OK, how about your next wish?" asked the genie. "Well, I think I'd like a mansion by the sea." Once again, everything went as expected - he got his mansion, and the ex-wife got two.
"What would you like for your last wish?" asked the genie.
"My last wish is that I'd like you to scare me half to death!"