Employee: Excuse me, sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?
Employee: Well, sir, as you know, I have been an employee of
this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Boss: Yes.
Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a
raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I
decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is
just not the right time.
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the
current economic downturn has had a negative impact on
sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard
work, proactiveness, and loyalty to this company for over a
decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I
don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you
a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time.
How does that sound?
Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies
were after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, the Gas Company, the
Water Company, and the Mortgage Company!
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"It's mating season," the keeper replies. "They're inside."
"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"
"Probably not," answers the keeper.
"Why not?" persists the visitor.
"Would you?"
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
"A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old." -Craig Ferguson
"The Journal of Animal Ethics says that it's insulting to call animals 'pets,' and they should be called 'animal companions.' They say 'pet' is the most insulting thing you could call an animal, except in North Korea, where they're called 'dinner.'" -Jay Leno
"A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down to an 8-month-old baby. You don't pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray and run him through the X-ray machine." -Jimmy Fallon
On our way to my parents' house for dinner one evening, I glanced over at my 15-year-old daughter. "Isn't that skirt a bit short?" I asked. She rolled her eyes at my comment and gave me one of those "Oh, Mom" looks.
When we arrived at my folks' place, my mother greeted us at the door, hugged my daughter, then turned to me and looking me over with a critical eye said, "Elizabeth! Don't you hink that blouse is awfully low-cut?"