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Tennis BraceletA woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window. She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until her husband does something unforgivable.
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Grandma and Computer
The computer's swallowed grandmaYes' honestly' its true.She pressed 'control' and 'enter'And disappeared from view.
Its devoured her completelyThe thought just makes me squirm.Maybe she's caught a virusOr been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle binAnd files of every kind. I've even used the InternetBut nothing did I find.
In desperation I asked JeevesMy searches to refine.The reply from him was negativeNot a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'In Box'My Grandma you should see.Please 'Scan', 'Copy' and 'Paste' herIn an e-mail back to me.
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." - Oscar Wilde
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Reaching the Unchurched
While serving as church usher, I was carrying out our tradition of escorting parishioners to their seats before the service began. After I returned to the entrance of the sanctuary to escort the next party, I greeted two strangers and asked where they would like to sit.
Looking confused, the young man smiled and said, "Nonsmoking, please."
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Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck. A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline: "Brave Young Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal" "But I'm not a Red Sox fan," the little hero interjected. "Sorry" replied the reporter. "But since we're in Boston, Mass, I just assumed you were." Hitting the delete key, the reporter began: "John Kerry Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack" "But I'm not a Kerry fan either," the boy responds. The reporter says, "I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Red Sox or Kerry or Kennedy. What team or person do you like?" "I'm a Texas Ranger fan and I really like George W. Bush," the boy says. Hitting the delete key, the reporter begins again: "Arrogant Little Conservative Kid Kills Beloved Family Pet."
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Thanks to L.M. for these:If only we could forget our troubles as easily as weforget our blessings.Steam engines don't run on lukewarm water.The road that we're on may seem long but it leads toour final destination.The most difficult job of all is trying to look busywhen you're not.There is no indigestion worse than that of trying toeat your own words.Never miss a rainbow or a sunset because you'relooking down.It's not so much how I look as how others see me.People who live beyond their means must be given a lotof credit.Confidence is the feeling that you have before youknow better.If you want to launch a big ship, you have to go wherethe water is deep.The man who never makes mistakes loses a great manychances to learn something.It's better to prevent than to lament.Don't just entertain ideas----put them to work.Nothing is harder than gracefully getting down fromyour high horse.I can keep a secret, but those I tell it to never can.Temper gets us into trouble----pride keeps us there.Once you get started doing nothing it's hard to quit.Word processors should be combined with foodprocessors in case we have to eat our words.God doesn't always remove the darkness, but He willhelp us get through it.He that graduated yesterday and stops learning todayis uneducated tomorrow.Those who make the worse use of their time are firstto complain of its brevity.Wear the shoes you want filled. Proverbs 22:6In speech, volume has a way of drowning out meaning.Man said of his wife; We get along swimmingly, everytime I say something she drowns me out.If you see someone without a smile, give them yours.Sometimes the best present you can give someone isjust leave them alone.People seldom get dizzy from doing good turns.The time to make friends is before you need them.Since there is no body like you, you can make adifference.Blowing out the other fellow's candle won't make yoursany brighter.There may be a destiny that shapes our ends, but ourmiddles are of our own choosing.When some turn over a new leaf, it is likely to bepretty much a carbon copy of the last.Middle age is when you've met so many people thatevery new person reminds you of someone else.Progress involves risk...you can't steal second andkeep your foot on first.The luckiest people in the world are those who don'tdepend on good luck.A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden fullof weeds.The life one lives speaks louder than the words heutters.Self-satisfaction makes people fear the unknown,mistrust the untried and abhor the new.Whatever your past has been, you can have a betterfuture.It's not enough to be busy...the question is, what areyou busy about?Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.Doing what's right today means no regrets tomorrow.To ease another's heartache is to forget your own.The best way to kill time is to work it to death.If you can't do great things, do small things in agreat way.Short visits make long friends.The steam that blows the whistle isn't driving thewheels.Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.Tact is what a fellow has when he won't change hismind but can change the subject.Many times you find the big apples on top of thebasket, but you must remember that the little ones areholding them up.We search for beauty in distant lands while we crushthe violets beneath our foot.