Saigon
There was a young man from
Whose limericks were two lines long.
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Sick Mule
A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmers yard. The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt. The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor? That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?"
The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.
While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson." With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.
As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"
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$1 Bill Meets $20 Bill
A one-dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff, church, church, church."
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Life is Backwards
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. I think the life cycle is all backwards.
You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school.
You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, then spend your last nine months floating!
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Weird News
N.Y. town dedicated to honoring Jell-O
More than 10,000 Jell-O fans travel to Le Roy each year to partake in its Jell-O Gallery exhibits, dedicated to recognizing the popular dessert, The New York Times reported.
The General Mills Inc. factory that originally produced Jell-O has been closed for more than 40 years, but the gallery celebrates Jell-O in all its unnatural glory.
"Most little historical societies would give their eye teeth for a hook like we have," gallery director Lynne J. Belluscio said.
Bulluscio, whose gallery is paired in Le Roy with a
In fact, Jell-O was officially declared the state snack of the Mormon-rich state of
The Times said based on gallery information, Jell-O was invented in 1897 by Le Roy carpenter Pearle B. Wait, whose wife is credited with coming up with the name that has become known worldwide.
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'Rickroll' prank comes to Baltimore
BALTIMORE (UPI) -- Almost 50 people sang the lyrics of British pop star Rick Astley in
Fans either sing or redirect Internet browsers to recognize Astley's 1980s hit song, "Never Gonna Give You Up." The
"I'm in love with this song," said Ryan Goff, who organized the "rickroll" event Saturday at the city's
Traditionally a "rickroll" takes place online when unsuspecting browsers click on a serious-sounding link only to watch a video of Astley singing his hit.
For Goff, and others like him, the online bit was not enough. Soon Astley fans were taking to the streets to share their love of the pop star with strangers, the Sun reported.
"It's grass roots; you've got to make the best of it," Goff said. "It's all in the spirit of Rick."
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Daley clearly not a big 'Ellen' fan
CHICAGO (UPI) -- Chicago Mayor Richard Daley is clearly not a loyal fan of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" or he wouldn't have called its host "Helen" at a recent event.
Daley introduced the popular TV talk show host as Helen DeGeneres at a special taping of the series in
"The city has a whole transportation system named after me. 'El.' 'Ellen,'" DeGeneres told the nearly 1,300 people in attendance at Saturday's taping.
Daley's error also became fodder for comedian Robin Williams, who used the bungled announcement for a joke when he came on stage.
"My name is Reuben here," Williams said.
The Sun-Times said the videotaped show will air Tuesday. By the way, Daley did not engage in the show's custom of guests dancing with the host.
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Elusive bear spotted again in Orlando
The bear, which was foraging for food in a residential area, was startled by onlookers and climbed into a tree, later climbing down and scampering into a nearby wooded area as police looked on, the Orlando (
A spokeswoman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission told the newspaper the bear had most likely spent the winter in the area's woods and had emerged because it was hungry. Officials urged residents to leave the bruin alone.
The same bear had last been seen in November rummaging through trash in
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Men driving to 48 U.S.
The
"This route has been checked and rechecked for shorter possibilities and triple checked to be sure that all 48 states are included," Keeler wrote on greatamericanroadtrip.us.
The adventurers are tooling about 7,500 miles across the country in a 2005 Toyota Scion xB because "it is roomy and gets good gas mileage," Keeler wrote.
The men said they are going to use the help of a global positioning system and AAA maps to make sure they don't get lost along the way.
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God’s Kids
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating Heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve... We got Forbidden Fruit!"
"No way!"
"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did Not!"
"DID so!"
"DID NOT!!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
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Air Miles
In the line-up at the store, I overheard the checker ask the lady in
front of me if she had an air miles card. "Oh, yes," she said. "I
have enough air miles to get to
"That's wonderful," said the cashier.
"My son doesn't think so," the lady replied. "I don't have enough to get back."