Monday, December 04, 2006

hUMOR For Dec. 4th

Two rabbis, one Reformed and the other Orthodox, were discussing their
respective congregations one day.

The Reformed rabbi asked the Orthodox leader, "Why don't you let the men and
women of your congregation sit together, as they do in my temple?"

The Orthodox rabbi, known for his sense of humor, replied, "If you want to
know the truth, I don't really mind them sitting together at all. But, you
see, my sermons aren't that interesting and I just can't have them sleeping
together"
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More Church Bulletin Bloopers

Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to
recovery, for which we are thankful.

The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on
Saturdays.

We'll kick off the Christmas season this morning with our first hymn, "The
First Nowell"

Our Wednesday Night Family Cafeteria meal will feature a variety of Chinese
dishes including One Ton Soup.

Events: December 9th, Christmas Caroling at the Parkview Nursing Home 7:00
p.m., December 10th, Breakfast with Satan 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. in the
Fellowship Hall.

The Youth Group had a scavenger hunt, did face painting, and played a game
called, "Find the gun." They had a great time.

The Pastor's Corner: A Personal Massage from Jesus

Due to Construction on the North side of the parking lot, we will soon be
changing entrances. Please exit the new driveway which is the one in between
the old entrance and the old exit. Please exit from the new exit which is
the old entrance.

Our Senior's group is sponsoring a dance December 12. You can Dance the
Night Away from 5:00 until 7:00 p.m. for only $5 per person.

What are you doing for Lunch Tuesday? Local Funeral Director Barry Gilbert
will talk about the benefits of cremation.

The Riegieman Chiropractic Center will host Kid's Day this Saturday. They'll
be treating the youth group to spinal exams, backpack checks, I.D. Cards,
etc.
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Forgive me now, tomorrow I might not feel so guilty.
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Children in Church

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle,
he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.

While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it
went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the
time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed
and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

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One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the
morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of
order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the
aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the
little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pra y for me!"

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One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we
forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

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A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better
boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

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A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way
to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,looking at
the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He
picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that
has been pressed in between the pages.

"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.

What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit".

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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he
moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.

Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping
before jerking it again.

After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned
toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

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Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting
together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. < BR>
Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in
church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men
standing by the door? They're hushers."

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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked , "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"

"You're both old," he replied.

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A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite
knowledgeable about the Bible.

Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the
mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

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A Sunday sch ool class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to
discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it
was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the
covers off the neighbor's wife."