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Tax FormsIt was April and Tax Day was looming when an elderly woman showed up at my desk at the IRS. She said she required a thick stack of tax forms. "Why so many?" I asked."My son is overseas," she said. "He asked me to pick up forms for the soldiers on the base.""You shouldn't have to do this," I told her. "It's the base commander's job to make sure that his troops have access to the forms they need.""I know. I'm the base commander's mother."
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Dr. Dress
During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room. Unshaven and with tousled hair, I showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student. In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats.
The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance."
Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the ER to suture a minor laceration.
I was stitching away -- wearing a tuxedo -- when I encountered that same medical resident. He looked at me, then said to his student, "Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn't he?"
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Here is today's CleanQuote.
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road." - Henry Ward Beecher
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Here is today's Illustration. - Modest Dress
Oh Doctor!" said the young lady prior to her surgery, "Will the scar show? "
"Not in church, madam," replied the doctor, "but anywhere else, it's entirely up to you......"
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A woman is in the delivery room in labor. One finalpush and the baby comes out. Above the baby's pitifulfirst cries, she hears the horrified gasps of thedoctor and shrieks of the nurses. The baby is rushedaway before she can see it. Later, a doctor comes inand says, "I'm afraid there's a...problem with yournew son. It seems he was born without a body."She stammers, "You mean...""Yes," the doctor says, "he's just a head. But, on thebright side, he's a perfectly healthy and normalhead."The years pass by, and the mother takes to putting herson (now a teenaged head) on a table upstairs near thewindow so he can look out at the other childrenplaying. One day, the phone rings. It's the hospital. A surgeon informs the woman that there has been ahorrible accident, and a young man has been completelydecapitated. There is a good chance that her son'shead can be attached to the victim's body!She dropsthe phone, runs upstairs to where her son has restedmost of his life and says, "Son! I have the mostwonderful surprise for you!"The kid looks up at her and sighs, "I hope it's notanother hat."
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What is a hairdresser's favorite show? The Braided Bunch! (Tony, 11)What do you call a hippo with chicken pox? A hippo-spot-amus! (Isaac, 4)What city cheats at exams? Peking!What do you get when you cross an elephant with adairy cow? Peanut butter.Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to a shell station.What kind of music do convicts dance to? Rock 'n' parole. (Betty Debnam)What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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A favorite -- From a Baptist Preacher (of course...)Three ministers were sitting in a retirement homediscussing religion; a Baptist, a Methodist and aPresbyterian. They start talking about religionsother than their own that they admired the most.The Presbyterian Minister said, "I've always admiredthe Catholics, with their formality, the architecture,the Latin and the grandeur of Mass. I think if I hadnot been a Presbyterian, I might have been aCatholic."The Methodist Minister chimed in and said, "I'vealways admired the Amish, with their simple approachto life, their closeness to God and the land. If Ihadn't been a Methodist, I think I would have like tohave been Amish."The two then turned to their Baptist Brother who hadsuddenly become very quiet. One of them asked, "WellBrother, if you hadn't been a Baptist, what would youhave been?"His one word reply, "Ashamed."