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Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
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Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well planned life?"
"Yes," said her friend, "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"
"One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
and four to go!"
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Wine Glasses
I used to think it was a silly affectation to drink different wines from
different style glasses, but I have finally become a convert.
I now definitely prefer drinking hearty, macho reds from my Spiderman glass
and lighter, fruity whites from Sponge Bob.
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*Murphy's Laws on Computers*
- As soon as you delete a worthless file, you'll need it.
- Installing a new program will always mess up at least one old one.
- You can't win them all, but you sure can lose them all.
- The likelihood of a hard disk crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been backed up.
- There are only two kinds of computer users: Those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks haven't crashed - yet.
- Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.
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Ole and Lena
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup
of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow
emergency has been declared" the weather report said.
"You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of
the streets." Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from his coffee.
The next day they're sitting down with their morning cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is "There will be 2 to 4 inches
of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the
streets." Again Ole says "Jeez, okay," and gets up from
his coffee.
Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is "There will be 6 to 8 inches
of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the..."and then the power goes
out and Ole doesn't get the rest of the instructions.
He turns to Lena and says "Jeez, what am I going to do now,
Lena?" And Lena replies "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage today."
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On Time
The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling,
satisfied passenger paused to congratulate the flight attendant.
"Stewardess," he said happily, "I want to compliment you and the crew and
especially the captain for getting here right on time. It's not often that
an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm
going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am."
"Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answered, "but I think you
should know something ... this is yesterday's flight."