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EVERYTHING HAS A GENDEREVERYTHING HAS A GENDER You may not know this but manynonliving things have a gender. 1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everythingin, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; ittakes a while to warm them up again. It's an effectivereproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's oftenover-inflated. 4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to goanywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and ofcourse, there's the hot air part. 5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,squeezable and retain water. 6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always gettinghit on. 7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same oldlines to pick people up. 8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, theweight shifts to the bottom. 9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed muchover the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to havearound. 10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'dbe male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives aman pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while hedoesn't always know the right buttons to push, hekeeps trying!
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Some fuel-saving advice from a friend... What's theideal speed for maximum fuel efficiency? According to this chart from Eartheasy.com, the mostfuel-efficient speed for your car is roughly 55 mph,or 90 km/h. Increasing your speed from 55 mph to 75mph increases your fuel consumption a stunning 20percent, and that's not good! You can boost yourvehicle's fuel efficiency by as much as 30 percentsimply by keeping it well maintained and driving itcorrectly. Here are a few suggestions: Avoid jackrabbit starts, tailgating, or pumping thegas pedal.Starts and stops increase fuel consumptiondramatically.Take advantage of cruise control whenever possible --driving at a steady speed saves fuel.Try to avoid idling your car for more than a minute.Keep your tires inflated and switch to radial, if youhaven't already. Reduce drag by keeping your windows rolled up,removing unused bike racks, and emptying your trunk. Optimal fuel efficiency varies from car to car, socheck your manual for more suggestions. The best option, of course, is simply to drive less.You can do this by planning trips ahead of time toavoid peak traffic hours or doing your errands alittle closer to home.
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26 Beautiful One-liners (more orless... actually, less)1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's wayleads to an endless hope.3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be acomma--but never let him be the period.6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the churchfor a faithft.8. When praying, don't give God instructions - justreport for duty.9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you tochurch.10. We don't change God's message -- His messagechanges us.11. The church is prayer-conditioned.12 When God ordains, He sustains.13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah builtthe ark.15. Most people want to serve God, but only in anadvisory position.16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on yourBible.17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always wantto drive.19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.20. Compassion is difficult to give away because itkeeps coming back.21. He who angers you controls you.22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives candevelop.23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out ofyou.
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How To Photograph A New Puppy
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.