Latest terms to add to your vocabulary at the office:
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed and who was
responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of
noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce
the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to
describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss
while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or
Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics
geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit
Cityatosis.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning
just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the
Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or
irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the
geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been
dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the
fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected
of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document
could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404,
man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are
exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food
joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what
city we were in."
GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will
take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as
they are solvent again.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud
found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you
realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the
daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work
again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something
loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all
the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that
has seven digits.
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale,
my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of
ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill
after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are
yuppie food stamps."
+++++++++++++++++++
Dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they
can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.
+++++++++++++++++++
High School ReunionWhat splitting up with an old girlfriend can lead to...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.My wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” I sighed, “She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.”“My God!” says my wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
+++++++++++++++++++
Redneck Anniversary GiftBubba's thoughtful gift with lots of diamonds...
Bubba was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Jethro outside the jewelers. Jethro noticed that Bubba had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. “So what've you just purchased, Bubba?” Jethro asks. “Well, now that you've been askin',” replies Bubba, “it's me and Betty Lou's anniversary tomorrow and when I asked her this morning what she wanted for our special day she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, just give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'”“So what'd you get her?” Jethro asks. Bubba replied, smiling, “I bought her a deck of cards.”
+++++++++++++++++++
"Happy Birthday"
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62."
He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
+++++++++++++++++++
Oneliner
"When you're over 50 you can still do all the things you did when you were 17 if you don't mind making an idiot of yourself."
+++++++++++++++++++
"Hypochondriacs"
"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick."
+++++++++++++++++++
Latest terms to add to your vocabulary at the office:
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project failed and who was
responsible.
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of
noise, messes up everything, and then leaves.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce
the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to
describe ill-advised activity, e.g., trashing your boss
while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Costco or
Kmart because of how much money one might spend. Electronics
geeks experience Shackophobia, Tandyagonia, or Circuit
Cityatosis.
Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning
just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the
Adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or
irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss.
Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the
geek-in-a-cubicle comic strip character. "I've been
dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the
fourth time this week."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected
of planning to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error
message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document
could not be located. "Don't bother asking him -- he's 404,
man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are
exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food
joints, strip malls, or housing development subdivisions.
Used as in "We were so lost in Generica that I forgot what
city we were in."
GOOD ("Get-Out-Of-Debt") Job - A well-paying job people will
take to pay off their debts, which they will quit as soon as
they are solvent again.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud
found on computer keyboards.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you
realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the
daylights out of an electronic device to get it to work
again.
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something
loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and all
the co-workers' heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that
has seven digits.
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing or a concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is Dale,
my...um...friend."
Yuppie Food Stamps - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of
ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill
after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all anybody's got are
yuppie food stamps."