"Side Effects of a Life in Comedy"
Side Effects of a Life in Comedy * Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller" routine is bombing, you realize you're doing a radio show.
* Your social status is one small notch above mimes and rodeo clowns.
* People are always asking, "Ooh, do you know Adam Sandler?"
* Wisenheimer's Syndrome.
* You laugh on the outside, but inside you harbor a bitter resentment toward people who have enough money for food.
* Instead of crow's feet, you get punchlines.
* You have to start the day with a couple of quick knock-knock jokes to get rid of "the shakes."
* The grandkids keep breaking your dentures trying to wind them up.
* Mom was right: your face *does* freeze that way, after a couple of decades.
* Everything tastes funny.
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Police Academy
My sister felt she was well prepared for her in-depth
interview with the Police Academy Board who would
determine her suitability as a candidate.
The first situation they presented to her was: "On
routine patrol you see a car traveling at excessive
speed, with undue care and attention. You pull it over and
discover that the driver is your brother. What do you do?"
Without hesitation she replied, "Tell Mom!"
She was accepted.
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There was a typo on a test I was taking. Instead of "(D) none
of the above," it said "(D) one of the above." So I circled
it.
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"College Applicant"
Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their choice.
As an admissions counselor for a state university, I took a call from an irate mother who was demanding to know why her daughter had been turned down. Avoiding any mention of the transcript full of D's, I explained that her daughter just wasn't as "competitive" as the admitted class.
"Why doesn't she try anther school for a year and then transfer?" I suggested.
"Another school!" exclaimed the Mother. "Have you seen her grades?"
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"Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking."
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CleanQuote
"Jealousy is all the fun you think they have."