How to know if you are from Flori-DUH:
1. You can properly pronounce Eufaula, Gotebo,
Okemah, and Chickasha.
2. You think that people who complain about
the wind in their states are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to
go out in the yard and look for a funnel.
4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars
waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to
"A/C" in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking
space is not determined by the distance to the
door,
but
by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
9. You think everyone from a bigger city has
an accent.
10. You measure distance in minutes. ("I'm
about 5 minutes away.")
11. You refer to the capital of Oklahoma as
"The City."
12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport
named for a m! an who died in an airplane crash.
13. Little smokies are something you serve
only for special occasions.
14. You go to the lake because you think it is
like going to the ocean.
15. You listen to the weather forecast before
picking out an outfit.
16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a football
schedule to plan their wedding date.
18. You have known someone who has had one
belt buckle bigger than your fist.
19. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring
each
other
at a four- way stop, each determined! to be the most polite and let
the other go first.
20. You know in which state "Miam-uh" is and
in which state "Miam-ee" is.
21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental,
ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
22. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A
Ford F350 4x4 is.
24. You know everything goes better with Ranch.
25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you
learned how to multiply.
26. You actually get these jokes and are
"fixin" to send them to your friends..
27. Finally, you are 100% Oklahoman if you
have ever heard this conversation:
"You wanna Coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind? "
"Dr. Pecker."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"What's It Take?"
"What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old granddaughter once asked.
Her dad, seeing an opportunity, said, "You have to do extremely well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, make the highest grades possible, and then go to med school, and follow that with an internship. Then you can start your own practice. Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you want to be."
Erin gave all this a moment's thought and then asked, "What do you have to do to be queen?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today's Quote
OK, OK, OK - wow, who would have thought so many of you were truck experts! I know there were trucks around at the time when James Garfield was president, but I couldn't find any that were operated by someone behind a wheel, so I guess Tuesday's quote was a dud like Saturday's. Where does this all leave me? Unfortunately, hoping Peter Ustinov did die in 2004!
"I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world."
- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Superstition"
An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen, and was amazed to find that over his desk a horseshoe was nailed to the wall.
The American said with a nervous laugh, "Surely you don't believe that horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you, Professor Bohr?"
Bohr chuckled. "I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not!"
(Featured Illustrations items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.)
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was a knock at the door. It was a small boy, about six
years old. Something of his had found its way into my
garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I noticed two additions: a
baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole.
"How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one
look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it
right through that hole!"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sense of Humor
The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a
series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly.
Everybody, that is, except Mike.
When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss
said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?"
"My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm
quitting tomorrow."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to SUNSHINEROSE28 -- A Recipe For Life
1 c. good thoughts
1 c. considerations for others
3 c. forgiveness
2 c. sacrifice for others
1 c. kind deeds
2 c. well-beaten thoughts
2 heaping cups patience
Mix these thoroughly and add tears of joy, sorrow, and
sympathy for others. Flavor with little gifts of love.
Fold in 4 cups of prayer and raise the texture to
great heights of Christian living. After pouring all
this into your daily life, bake well with the heat of
human kindness. SERVE WITH A SMILE.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boss, but not necessarily by merit...
A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup,
hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid
the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy
leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he
wanted to let them know that he meant business!
The new CEO walked up to the guy leaning against the
wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looked at him and
replied, "I make $300 a week. Why?"
The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and
screamed, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and
don't come you back!"
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked
around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell
me what that goof-off did here?"
>From across the room came a lone voice, "Pizza
delivery guy from Domino's."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Words of Wisdom
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING I am returning this
otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has
printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the
top. - English Professor, Ohio University
ON MARTIAL ARTS AND METAPHYSICS Deja Fu: The feeling
that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the
head like this before.
ON HUMILITY To err is human, to moo is bovine.
ON DEEP THOUGHTS A day without sunshine is like a TV
without a screen.
ON YOUTH Some people say that I must be a horrible
person, but that's not at all true. I have the heart
of a young boy. ...In a jar.... On my desk. -- Steven
King
ON PROBLEM SOLVING When the only tool you own is a
hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
ON MATERIALISM He who dies with the most toys, is,
nonetheless, still dead.
ON INFINITY If you had everything, where would you
keep it?
ON ECONOMICS The cost of living hasn't affected its
popularity.
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY What was sliced bread the
greatest thing since?
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE Character density: The number of
very weird people in any university.
ON EXTINCTION Save the whales. Eat broccili.
ON LITERATURE This is not a novel to be tossed aside
lightly. It should be thrown away with great force. --
Dorothy Parker
ON PROPHECY The meek shall inherit the earth -- they
are too weak to refuse.
ON WORLD POLITICS Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice
doggy" until you can find a rock.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Police! Police!
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a
barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet
tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he
boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy
Weight Boxing Champion of the World."
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an
escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you
could show us how strong you really are. But all I've
got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how
quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked
for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't
do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under
arrest."