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Sarahrella
After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started
using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy
godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them."
Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and
proclaimed the request fulfilled.
Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again,
with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.
The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her
third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again."
The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.
"I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.
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"Restaurant Service"
The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television.
The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.
I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.
"Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just got his food."
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Today's Quote
"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
- Anonymous
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Today's Illustration. - "Sin"
A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack.
The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous. The attack lasted only 6 hours."
(Featured Illustrations items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.)
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Thanks to Marti -- Arkansas Deer Hunter -- Devoted
Husband
A man and his friend were enjoying Deer Hunting Season
in rural Arkansas near a blacktop highway. A huge buck
walked by and the hunter carefully drew his bow and
took careful aim.
Before he could release his arrow, his friend pointed
at a funeral procession passing on the road below
their stand.
The hunter slowly let off the pressure on his bow,
took off his hat, bowed his head and closed his eyes
in prayer.
His friend was amazed. "Wow, that is the most
thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You
are the kindest man I have ever known."
The hunter shrugged. "Yeah, well, we were married for
35 years."
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Thanks to GCFL: Beginning School
Tommy had reached school age. His mother managed with
a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about
the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him
of the new friends he'd meet, and so on.
When the first day came, Tommy eagerly went off and
came back home with a lot of glowing reports about
school.
The next morning when his mother woke him up, he
asked, "What for?" She told him it was time to get
ready for school.
"What? Again?" he asked.
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Thanks to a reluctant JP -- Kentucky Women
The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused
about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his
secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated
from The Kentucky University and I need some help. If
I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied,
"Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those Kentucky women.
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Thanks to JP: Priorities
A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and
paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the
hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of
an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of
miles back up the trail," the successful hunter
replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer
back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no
one is going to steal Henry!"
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Thanks to JP: Timing
A senior at Kentucky was overheard saying... "When the
end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky."
When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky
because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later
than in the rest of the civilized world.
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Thanks to JP: Observant
The young man from Kentucky came running into the
store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just
stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?
"The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got
the license number."
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Thanks to JP: NEWS FLASH!
Kentucky's worst air disaster occurred when a small
two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Kentucky
University students, crashed into a cemetery earlier
today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300
bodies so far and expect the number to climb as
digging continues into the evening.
The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the
recovery efforts.
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Thanks to JP: And My Favorite
A man in Kentucky had a flat tire, pulled off on the
side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of
flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he
got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so
curious he turned around and went back. He asked the
fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
The man responded, "When you break down they tell you
to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I
never did understand it either."
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"2nd Try "
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days.
Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.
By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just got home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.
I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!"
"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply "It's after seven o'clock!"