"Dollar Math"
"If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
Vinny raised his hand and answered, "One dollar."
The teacher shook her head. "You don't know your math."
Vinny replied, "You don't know my father."
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CleanQuote
"Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get."- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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"Prayer" Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
In line at the bookstore, I couldn't help noticing the two bestsellers the person in front of me was prepared to purchase:
"Conversations With God" and "How to Argue and Win Everytime."
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The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
"Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "that guy at the bar has been
drinking heavily like that since I left him seven years ago."
Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much."
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Upon going away to college, my former brother-in-law received a hand mixer
from his mother because of his fondness for mashed potatoes. Later that
semester, she asked him how the mixer was working for him.
"Not very good," Terry said, "the potatoes keep flying all over the
kitchen."
After a perplexed pause, his mother asked, "Terry, did you cook the potatoes
first?"
To which a surprised Terry responded, "You have to cook the potatoes first?"
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I want my children to have all the things I never could afford. Then I want
to move in with them.
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Men @ MathWhy men are taught math in school...Traffic 101 - separating the men from the boys!
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.That's 96 miles each day.Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an eight lane highway.There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4,000 cars.That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.Statistically, females drive half of these.That's 18,000 women drivers!In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.That's 642.According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.That's 449.According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.That's 98.And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.That's 33.According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing.That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.Flip one off? I think not…