!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We've been in a battle with a SPAMer that exploited ourserver to send SPAM. :( We've fixed the problem and no GCFLemail addresses were compromised. You can read the detailson the news page at http://www.gcfl.net/news.php */Your favorite section of the newspaper is "25 Years AgoToday."The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feelbest.A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparingliving wills.Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill thesuitcase with your pills.Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left orright.Your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Night of Tax Day
Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,Every creature was whirring, even the mouse.The floppy was placed in the disk drive with care,In certainty Saint Silicon soon would be there.
The chips were nestled All snug in their sockets,Their RAM filled with visions of STARWARS and ROCKETS.And Mamma in her kerchief and I in my capHad just settled down for a long ev'ning's rap,
When out of the drives there arose such a racket,I raised up my fist, right ready to whack it.Away to the printer I flew like a flash,And I swore that I'd change my brand of hash!
More rapid than junk FAX these tax forms they came,And it booped and it beeped and it called 'em by name:Now Form 1040! Now Form 1065! Now Schedules A and D too!On! Form 1120! Form 4562!! Form 1098!!! Form 8362!!!!
To the top of the ladder,To The Top of The Heap!Just go away, Go Away!I gotta sleep.
As stray bits which down the cable do fly,When they meet with the processor, soon go awry,So up the tab all these taxes they flew,With a surtax and threats of penalty and interest too!
Now it may be some virus was having its yucks,But the total was over 87 kilobux.So she read all the Pubs, and she said, "What the heck!"Then we signed all the forms, and we wrote 'em a check.
And crossing her fingers and blowing her noseAnd giving a nod, from her chair she arose.She ran to her van, to the key gave a twist,With a spray of gravel, she shook her fist,
And I heard her exclaim as she roared out of sight--"I think in Paducah they'll postmark it midnight."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is today's CleanQuote.
"In the presence of extraordinary reality, consciousness takes the place of imagination." - Wallace Stevens
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here is today's Illustration. - Missions
During the days of the British Raj, a missionary went among the Indians and tried to convert them to Christianity. He explained how Heaven would belong to the faithful.
One Indian said, "Your Heaven can't be all that good."
The missionary explained again why it would indeed be wonderful.
The Indian replied, "Then why haven't the British taken it over?"
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ineffective Daily Affirmations. . . .- All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly,stupid, and disgusting parts. - I am at one with my duality.- Blessed are the flexible, for they can tiethemselves into knots.- I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40thbirthday.- Only a lack of imagination saves me fromimmobilizing myself with imaginary fears.- I honor and express all facets of my being,regardless of state and local laws.- Today I will gladly share my experience and advice,for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."- False hope is nicer than no hope at all.- A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solutionto the problem.- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room allday watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into thebedroom.- Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just aminute.....I'll find someone.- Why should I waste my time reliving the past when Ican spend it worrying about the future?- The complete lack of evidence is the surest signthat the conspiracy is working.- I am learning that criticism is not nearly aseffective as sabotage.- Becoming aware of my character defects leads me tothe next step -- blaming my parents.- To have a successful relationship I must learn tomake it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.- I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else iswilling to learn from them.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to AB: Politically Correct Santa'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's awreck...How to live in a world that's politically correct?His workers no longer would answer to "Elves,""Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.And labor conditions at the north poleWere alleged by the union to stifle the soul.Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.And equal employment had made it quite clearThat Santa had better not use just reindeer.So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that lookedstupid!The runners had been removed from his sleigh;The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.And people had started to call for the copsWhen they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quitefrightened.His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs andflows,Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his noseAnd had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,Demanding millions in over-due compensation.So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,Demanding from now on her title was Ms.And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notionThat making a choice could cause so much commotion.Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.Nothing that might be construed to pollute.Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.Nothing that's war-like or non-pacific.No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.For they raised the hackles of those psychologicalWho claimed the only good gift was one ecological.No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;He just could not figure out what to do next.He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,But you've got to be careful with that word today.His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.Something special was needed, a gift that he mightGive to all without angering the left or the right.A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,Each group of people, every religion;Every ethnicity, every hue,Everyone, everywhere...even you.So here is that gift, its price beyond worth..."May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."