Athena
During a museum tour the guide explains, "Here you can see the
beautiful statue of Athena...".
"Excuse me, madam," a visitor interjects. "Who is that man behind
her? Is he her husband?"
"No, Athena wasn't married. She was the goddess of wisdom."
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Today Is National Mental Health day!
You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to at least one unstable person......
(Well...my job's done!)
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"Oriskany Falls"
The little old lady seated herself right behind the bus driver. Every ten minutes or so she'd pipe up, "Have we reached Oriskany Falls yet, sonny?"
"No, lady, not yet. I'll let you know," he replied, time after time.
A few minutes later, she piped up again "Are we there yet, sonny? Have we reached Oriskany Falls?"
Once again, he replied "No, not yet. I'll let you know when we get there!"
The hours passed, the old woman kept asking for Oriskany Falls, and finally the little town came into view.
Sighing with relief, the driver slammed on the breaks, pulled over and called out, "This is where you get out, lady."
"Is this Oriskany Falls?"
"YES!" he bellowed. "Get out!"
"Oh, I'm going all the way to Albany, sonny," she explained sweetly. "It's just that my daughter told me that when we got this far, I should take my blood pressure pill."
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CleanQuote
A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?"
Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered"
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"Sense of Humor"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A forestry-service employee was recording the rainfall in his area. One drizzly day, his thoughts were apparently elsewhere as he typed "thirty three inches" instead of "thirty-three hundredths of an inch" into the computer.
It was obvious that the machine had been programmed by someone with a sense of humor, for this message quickly appeared on the screen "Build the ark. Gather the animals two by two..."
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As a new Ensign, I was assigned duty at the Naval Observatory in Washington,
DC, and carpooled to work with a veteran Marine sergeant. One afternoon, I
showed him a pair of brown shoes I had purchased to go with my khaki
uniform. He examined the leather carefully. "Let me take these home," he
said, "and I'll show you a real Marine Corps shine."
The next day I wore my old shoes, expecting to switch them with the ones the
sergeant was polishing. From a grocery bag, Sarge pulled out the right shoe,
shining like glass. "This is the way a Marine shines a shoe," he said. "Now
all you have to do is polish the left one to look like it."
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The husband, a devout meat-and-potatoes man, listened as his wife described
a friend who was a vegetarian. "Could you imagine never having a steak
again," she asked him, "and living on food like tofu, fruit, vegetables and
salad?"
"That stuff isn't food," he snorted. "That's what food eats!"
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"President Bush said today he has nothing but respect for Mexico and its
people and he will always speak the truth to them. Here's my question: When
can we get that deal?" --Jay Leno