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Bewildered
My youngest brother Tony had just completed Army basic training and was on
leave prior to his first tour in Germany. I am an Army National Guard pilot
and my other brother is my crew chief. Since we were headed to the Air Base
where Tony was to catch his overseas transport, we offered to take him.
When we landed at McGuire Air Force Base, several of Tony's fellow privates
came out to greet him. Tony ran ahead, while my other brother and I
followed with his gear. As Tony approached his buddies, he was bewildered
by their dumbfounded stares.
Then he realized that his friends weren't seeing his two brothers giving
him a lift; they were seeing a new private arrive in his own helicopter --
with a captain and sergeant carrying his bags!
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Our boss told us that she is planning a salary raise. One of the guys asked, "When does it become effective?"
The boss answered, "As soon as you do."
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A jockey is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horse's trainer. The trainer tells the jockey that this is the worst horse he has ever seen. It has had 23 races and finished last in every one of them. If it doesn't win today the milkman will be using it for deliveries in the morning.
The jockey mounts up and takes the horse down to the start.
The race begins and the horse is immediately 10 lengths behind the pack. So the jockey gives the horse an sharp thwap on the shoulder.
Nothing.
He then gives him a series of strikes on the rump.
Nothing.
He then gives him two wallops right on the hindquarters.
The horse comes to a sudden stop, turns to the jockey and says "Give it a rest with that whip, will ya, buddy? I have to be up at four in the morning to deliver milk."